


Inauspicious Beginnings

by Seabirdsong



Category: Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: F/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-03-08
Updated: 2015-03-12
Packaged: 2018-03-17 00:22:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 39,492
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3508157
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Seabirdsong/pseuds/Seabirdsong
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After having her heart broken by Solas, the Inquisitor agrees to an unexpected request by Commander Cullen, and finds herself in over her head.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

It had been six months since closing the breach in the sky, since the last time she caught a quick glimpse of the ethereal man, as but a wisp in her peripheral vision. Almost six months and still she struggled to wipe away the memories of the slight, gentle elf who had kissed her with the strength and passion of a rushing river. Whether in her dreams or in reality, Solas' kisses had been a force to be reckoned with, washing over her and completely engulfing her senses and soul. But he was gone. He had gone before he even really left.

It's not that Inquisition life after Corypheus was bad. On the contrary; their mission had been accomplished, their good intentions acknowledged far and wide and their group highly acclaimed and respected across all of Thedas. And as for Quinn personally, her peers admired her and she was lauded as the hero of the lands, which garnered her unexpected benefits everywhere she went.

But the world was both saved and shattered the day Solas walked out of her life. The final blow he delivered just before disappearing when he told her that what they had was real, and the person inside himself that he had shown her, the person she had loved, wasn't pretense or imaginary. It would have been easier for her if he had not said that, and allowed her to just feel wronged.

In the months that followed she had been exploring a loophole in the separation. Their first kiss had been in a dream, and so it seemed to her that wherever he was in the world, if he really wanted to, he could come to her in her dreams again. So Quinn began to sleep. Between stealing naps after meetings, and early bedtimes just after dinner, she explored her own dream world the way he had described exploring his. She tried to call out to him over the vast expanse of earth and sky, call with her soul to come touch her again with his mind, and she made her dream world as available as possible in case he answered. So much so that much of Skyhold had begun to think something was wrong with her, that she needed to see a healer. And indeed something WAS wrong. An abyss had been created in her, leaving her feeling aimless and disconnected. She clung to a desperate hope that she might fall into a rejoining that, perhaps, only existed on a spiritual plane, but was as real as the moon in the sky.

Solas had been such a contradiction. Though he was absolutely firm and uncompromising, he was also sensitive and kind. He was small in stature but enormous in power and effect. And his kindness and sensitivity had not made his words any easier to bear. The more she thought about it, the more she was convinced that he had to have a very good reason to break her heart the way that he did. There must have been something significant and important, but necessarily secret. She just couldn't fathom why anyone would arbitrarily break off what it was between them when they touched, when their minds and souls connected. It just made no logical sense to Quinn. When you find something that special and rare, you hold on to it, she thought. You don't purposely push it away.

But he had. Though another thing he'd said to her was that one day she would know the truth. That had yet to come, so it must still be before her, somewhere in her future.

Quinn convinced herself that the case was quite good that Solas would come back, at least to offer the promised explanation. But her dreams were devoid of the face she so longed to see. Instead they were filled with scenes of facing Corypheus again and losing, or of her walking through a muddy field as rain came down around her, and not noticing until it was too late that with every step the soggy ground had been swallowing her up. She dreamed about the faces of Skyhold, those so familiar and dear to her now, looking at her with disappointment as the breach ripped the sky open from horizon to horizon, and dropped demons and creatures the likes of which had never before been seen to destroy her homeland and beyond. Every once in a while she did dream of Solas' lips and his fingers and his eyes. Of his body pressed against hers, his hands pulling her even closer to him. But it never felt the way it did that time he took her to Haven. It never felt real, even when it hurt.

Before Leliana departed to take up the position of Divine, she had pulled Quinn aside for a final goodbye.

"I have faced the end of the world a few times now," Leliana said in that musical Orlesian accent, "but still haven't found much that is worse than the true heartbreak that comes after the loss of a love."

Quinn knew that if anyone knew anything about her ordeal, it was Leliana, mistress of secrets. Quinn nodded, knowing there probably wasn't much she needed to say that Leliana didn't already know.

Leliana squeezed Quinn's arm affectionately. "I have heard nothing about him in all this time. Wherever it is he has gone, it can only be somewhere very far and deep. I don't expect that he'll be back anytime soon. "

"You're right, I know. I am not sure why I am holding on so tightly. I feel… adrift. Life is just so different now. Things were a bit more simple when I had tasks ahead of me. When I knew my place in the world."

"That is to be expected. But you also have too much time to fill." Leliana said. "You must find a new cause. Help people. Talk to people. Don't spend so much time alone in your own mind."

"Yes," agreed Quinn. "I suppose it is time."

"It is. Things will get better, I promise." she said with a small wave, as she walked toward the small entourage of people stationed in Skyhold's courtyard, who were all waiting to accompany her.

Quinn thought hard about Leliana's words that evening. She had been saying as much to herself, that she needed to let Solas go. But her heart wasn't listening when it came only from herself, she also needed to hear it from someone else. If he had truly wanted to be with her, he would have tried to be. Or at least been honest with her. She finally came to a point of acknowledging what her brain had been slaying to her heart for months: she did not want to be with a man who did not want to be with her in return. Any relationship like that would have eroded all of her dignity. She reminded herself at every opportunity that that was all she really needed to know.

The next morning the sun shone brighter than ever into her room, imbuing the whole day with a palpable sense of hope. Instead of laying in bed and trying to continue to sleep as had become her habit, Quinn roused herself, dressed and made it to the dining hall in time for breakfast for the first time in months.

"I hear Belle has brought in a selection of dresses from Val Royeaux especially for the occasion," she heard a female voice whisper excitedly.

"Oh, thank the Maker! It has been so long since we've had occasion to dress up and celebrate something!" said another. "I need to look ravishing." she giggled.

"Well we only had the victory banquet just last fall."

"Yes but there were no pretty dresses, or dancing or visitors from far off lands. OhI hope we get a bunch of fresh blood here! I don't think I am ever going to find a suitable match from any of the residents within Skyhold!"

"Let us hope both of us are blessed with handsome men!" said the second voice.

"I am sorry to interrupt" said Quinn over the shoulder of one of the girls, a flaxen haired beauty with skin the color of amber. "But what is going on?" she asked.

"Oh you haven't heard!? Seggrit is marrying Ayana! There is to be a wedding here at Skyhold in just three days time." she said.

"I see. That's lovely news. Have they been engaged long?" she asked, a little startled that such an event could have escaped her notice.

"Goodness yes! They have been engaged since the new year."

"Oh. How exciting. Well, thank you for the information." she said politely, turning back to her breakfast.

"You're welcome Inquisitor. The guests should start arriving this afternoon. It will be so exciting to have Skyhold bustling with new visitors! I hope you do dress up with the rest of us. I bet you'll make a beautiful bride yourself someday." said the second girl from behind her.

"I will consider it. That could be very fun." she said over her shoulder. She knew she should have been making an effort to be more friendly to the two girls. After all she was feeling more herself this day than she had in longer than she could remember now. But conversation of two lovers joining together in marriage was one of the last topics she wished to discuss in detail at that particular moment.

Quinn finished her breakfast, still feeling the surprise of the news. Was she so stuck in her own troubles that she had made herself completely oblivious to those who shared her home? Yes, she realized. And she had done so deliberately.

To counter this, she spent the morning after breakfast making a special visit to both Seggrit and Ayana to wish them a personal congratulations. And then spent the rest of the day greeting the arriving visitors, even when that meant indulging in the most mind numbing small talk.

By lunch, Skyhold was noticeably more crowded. Carts and wagons rolled in and parked themselves around the stables. Ayana had family in Orlais, and many of the new visitors were dressed in the elaborately decorated dresses and suits of the Orlesian upper class, along with the traditional masks that they wore in public to display their family affiliation and status.

"Inquisitor, it is lovely to see you again." said a lilting female voice behind a white mask, which was painted in shimmering gold detail. Quinn turned to face all three of the lifesized dolls that had apparently made a beeline for her once she was within their sights. She recognized the masks from the Winter Palace, part of Empress Celene's court. She winced just thinking back upon her evening at Halamshiral. So many hours of choosing every word and gesture carefully, and hiding her inexperience at playing the Game. That evening had been hard won, and the memory of it still exhausted her.

"Madames Keliva, Tristanne and Lisette, welcome to Skyhold. It is far different here from the luxury to which you are accustomed, but I hope you find it comfortable."

"We have brought our own accommodations so as not to burden you more than necessary," said the middle one with the dark hair and powder blue skirt. While Quinn remembered all three of their names, she was less confident in her memory of which was which.

"It is no burden. Please, come share in our festivities. This is a celebration and a chance for us all to enjoy this rare moment of peacetime."

"Indeed. Your Inquisition has proven to be quite a formidable physical force, but also a strong example for balanced leadership for all of Thedas. We have you to thank for this peace. And we are pleased that our cousin Ayana has found such an agreeable home here."

Quinn gave a small bow, and as the three ladies walked off, she noticed that it wasn't just a few, but a majority of the bodies before her were sporting the masks and dress of Orlais. Skyhold suddenly felt more like the Winter Palace than the stronghold in the mountains that had become her home.

"Maker's breath," came an exasperated voice beside her. She turned to find Cullen standing and staring into the crowd of people with the same unnerved expression on his face as she felt upon her own. Even though he actually only stood a few inches taller than her, his impact upon sight was always one of a man who was very large. It must have been the lustrous mane on his armor, which was very effective at lending his appearance an intimidating quality.

"How long is this going to last again?" he asked Quinn.

"The wedding is in three days, or so I am told. I only learned about it this morning myself," she said. To this he laughed.

"I am glad I am not the only completely oblivious one in Skyhold." he joked.

"I am not oblivious" Quinn retorted, but knew immediately it was untrue.

"Well okay, maybe a little," she shrugged.

"I wish I could just hide in my office until this was all over. But somehow I've been roped into certain duties for the wedding."

"Well, you do enjoy having duties." she said.

"That I do, but I prefer them not to be so frivolous." he said.

"You find marriage to be frivolous?"

"No, on the contrary! I respect marriage a great deal. It is my duties that are frivolous. It is not enough that I have to keep order among our soldiers and guests, but apparently I also have to protect our larders. Someone has already raided our wine and cheese stores."

"Well frankly I am a bit disturbed to hear that you consider the protection of our wine to be a frivolous matter." She joked. He raised his scarred lip in the half smile of his that she found so endearing. She had noticed long ago that he almost never did it while conversing with anyone else. At least not that she had seen.

"Don't you worry Inquisitor, I will guard it with my life." he joked back."There shall be no drunken enjoyment allowed, outside of what has already been planned by the kitchens."

"Well that is a huge relief," she said. He nodded his goodbye and she watched as Cullen attempted to slip through the crowd, but was stopped a half dozen times by admirers before he was even partway to the door.

Before Solas, Quinn and Cullen had a few conversations that had turned decidedly flirtatious. But Cullen had fallen to the wayside after a few private moments with Solas that had intrigued her, fully capturing her attention. No one in Skyhold would deny that Cullen was a very handsome and impressive man, if a bit complicated due to a long and tragic history with the Templars. Initially Quinn felt bad about just shrugging off any interest she may have encouraged with her flirtations, but Cullen never spoke of it or treated her with anything other than respect and openness. Their working relationship had remained easy and trouble free, and he had no lack of romantic prospects. There were plenty of woman at Skyhold who followed him around with lovesick eyes. He could take his pick of lovers wherever he chose.

After slipping through the crowd herself, Quinn walked through the courtyard to the cart that held Belle's wares. There was a crowd of ladies inspecting the newly arrived dresses, which were laid out over two extra tables that must have been set up for just that purpose.

Quinn eyed the dresses, which were brightly colored and elaborate, scattered with sequins and flourishes that all were too fancy for her tastes.

"Is this all of it?" Quinn asked when Belle turned to her. "Is there nothing that is a little bit more… simple?"

"But my dear why would you want simple?" Belle asked, "This is an opportunity to enjoy wearing the very best and most beautiful. Who doesn't want to be the most beautiful woman at the ball?" Belle asked.

"I am sure there will be plenty of beautiful women there. But I would just feel more comfortable in something with fewer things that could get caught on a tablecloth as I pass by."

"Of course, come look at what I have back here." she said, and Quinn obeyed. Belle led her to a trunk with dresses that were a little closer to what she wore back during her days at her uncle's court several miles outside of Ostwick. Sleek, comfortable and lacking all the unnecessary attachments so enjoyed by the Orlesians, but still feminine. When she first held the deep red dress in her hand she knew immediately it was the one. As she unfolded it and lay it against her, her certainty was validated.

"This one. This is it." she said. She handed Belle the coin for the dress, and walked it back to her quarters where she laid it out over her bed.

She thought again about what Leliana had told her. Enjoying a celebration wasn't exactly a new and worthy cause for her attention, but it certainly had already helped to get her out of her head. And she was finding herself looking forward to dressing up and dancing, and maybe enjoying the attentions of her admirers for a change. Yes, it was time to turn over a new leaf, she told herself.

Turning to exit her quarters, she caught a glimpse of herself in the mirror and immediately she knew she was going to need a little more work than just a nice dress. Her chin length, almost black hair was tousled, a state which was practically permanent since her youth. She never had the type of hair that would lay flat and shine like all the other girls. Her pale skin lacked the pink glow and creaminess that seemed to be so desirable among the noble courts. And the scar on her forehead cut into the hairline above her right temple, carving a white trail into the mess of black tangles on her head.

But her eyes were green and clear, and lips were flushed pink. She shrugged. She couldn't change her facial features, nor did she feel the need to paint herself up in garish colors. She could attempt to straighten her hair and powder her cheeks, but none of that would change the simple and inescapable fact that she was who she was. And that would just have to be okay.

Quinn passed the day in the courtyard, visiting with the guests and basking in the warm sun. The cold winter was behind them and each new day had been a little bit warmer than the last. Since their arrival at Skyhold almost eight months ago, the air had held an almost constant mountain chill, necessitating the burning of fires and the layering of clothing. And then the winter had blanketed their stone fortress in a peaceful but frigid patina of white for month after month. After the chaos and exertion of their battles, the quiet winter at Skyhold provided a much needed respite for everyone. But the winter had been long, dark and empty and she had slept through as much of it as she could.

Quinn leaned against a rock in the courtyard and looked out into the expanse of blue sky above her, feeling stronger and more comfortable in her own skin than she had in a long time. She had barely thought of Solas at all that day, deliberately blocking from her mind the unanswered questions, and scenes of their time together. She felt that as Skyhold, and all of Thedas, was emerging from their wintry cocoon, so was she from her own. She even smiled openly upon hearing the unexpected song of a small flock of nearby birds, who must have stopped their migration over the mountains to rest in one of the courtyard's trees.

At dinner time, when the blue of the sky was fading into a pinkish purple, Quinn took her plate of food and mug of ale into the garden, and ate among the flowers as Sister Giselle gently ministered to a small group of seated women. The garden was devoid of any of the Orlesian characters, which she found comforting. She figured they probably were trying not to dirty their shoes and dresses. While she held no ill will toward Orlesians, she couldn't help but feel a little bit uneasy being surrounded by people whose faces were never fully visible.

With a heavy sigh, Cassandra dropped to the ground beside Quinn.

"Is this over yet?" she asked wearily.

"Funny, that is the same thing Cullen asked." Quinn responded.

"Yes, I am not surprised. He grows tired of these events quickly, just like I do. I would rather be on the battlefield than constantly making the same small talk over and over to different people. "

"You and half the Inquisition."

"Well, that is probably why we have been so successful. We all prefer to focus on things that matter."

"Just imagine how much harder our victory would have been if we had not talked to so many people. But still, I completely agree with you." said Quinn.

"True there is a place for diplomacy, and that place is Josephine's office." Cassandra said. "But yes, yes, the Inquisition would not have been so successful without everyone's help. Of course. I am just weary of the repetition. What about you? You are hiding out here too?"

"I suppose I am. I have spent the day trying to make myself available and get out of my funk. Now I just wanted to eat outside so I could enjoy this lovely evening."

"What is this word, funk?" Cassandra asked.

"My sadness, I guess." answered Quinn.

"I see. So still no word from Solas?" Cassandra asked.

"No. Nothing." she answered.

"Are you still hoping for word?" she asked.

Quinn didn't know how to answer that. She had been hoping for months now and was weary of holding onto something that seemed to to be so pointless. But she couldn't deny that she would still welcome an explanation.

"Hope? I don't know if it is hope. I suppose I might be hoping a little bit, yes. But the time where word from Solas might have actually mattered is quickly fading into the past."

"It is time to move on then, yes?" asked Cassandra. Quinn so appreciated her straightforwardness.

"Yes. It is."

"Well, perhaps you would like to join me at the tavern for a drink? I am supposed to meet someone there and am feeling a little apprehensive doing so on my own."

"Oh. Of course. Is this person you are meeting handsome?" She asked Cassandra, ribbing her a little bit.

"Quite handsome." she answered matter of factly. "I have not seen him since my time with the Seekers. He is here for the wedding and, well, I admit I am feeling nervous. I don't know if my memory of him is correct, or if we will disappoint each other. We got on quite well just a few years ago."

"Cassandra, I am sure you have nothing to worry about." Quinn said.

"Well, come then. Let us go find out."

The tavern was bustling, busier than Quinn had ever seen it before. But the mass of people were quick to step aside and let the Inquisitor through. She nodded her thanks to the many patrons and quickly secured herself and Cassandra a glass of wine.

Together they climbed the steps to the second floor, stopping at the top of the stairs and looking around at the tables.

Quinn knew Cassandra must have found her friend when her features suddenly softened. Her eyebrows lifted and she nodded toward the back corner.

She was correct that her friend was handsome. He had golden skin and a strong jaw. He was not wearing the flashy red and black Seeker armor, only a plain brown coat. He sat alone with a mug, watching the colorful people around him with an amused expression.

"He has chosen a table for two." said Quinn, noticing the lack of space at his table. "I don't want to crowd you."

"Yes," Cassandra said distractedly, not taking her eyes of him. "That is fine. I am feeling less nervous already. It has been some time, but he is not a stranger."

"Okay. Well I will stay close if you need anything." Quinn said as Cassandra made her way toward the man. He stood and they hugged. Cassandra's whole demeanor was different, looser with him. Quinn smiled, feeling happy for her friend.

She turned and made her way back down the stairs, figuring if she was going to be on her own that she’d stay close to the bar. She looked down into her glass of wine and was startled to see she had already drank down most of it. Returning to the bar, she asked Cabot for a bottle of wine instead of just a glass. Raising an eyebrow, he handed her a bottle. They nodded at each other and she turned to find a place to sit. She was tempted to return back upstairs and find a table where she could eavesdrop on Cassandra. She enjoyed seeing the soft side of her brusk, warrior friend. But she knew Cassandra would see right through that, and decided to allow them their privacy.

All the tables were full, so she targeted what appeared to be a gap in the crowd of people in the back corner, near an empty shelf along the wall. But before she made it, she felt a hand take her arm.

"Help. Help me please," asked a panic stricken Cullen as he pulled her along in the direction she was already traveling.

"Forgive me. This is a strange request, but I have a few very persistent admirers, and they will find me again any moment now. Could you.." he stopped and caught his breath a second. "Could you pretend to be, you know, with me. Just until they get the hint and leave. I have tried everything and just cannot shake them." he said.

Quinn laughed deeply.

"Yes, yes I am sure this is very amusing," he said impatiently.

"No!" she cried and his face fell.

"I mean, yes of course I will help you. I am just so relieved! With the panic on your face I thought it was something serious!" she said, feeling light and loose from her first glass of wine.

"It is serious!" he insisted, trying to keep his face straight, but she saw the little curl of his lip, the beginnings of that half smile. They reached the gap along the wall and she set down her wine.

"Cullen, darling. You hadn't finished telling us the story of your…" Quinn heard the accented voice call through the bodies.

Quickly, she slid her arm around his waist and moved in close to him, resting her other hand on his chest. But he was still wearing his armor, so the body she pressed against was cold and hard.

His arm slipped around her as he began to register what she was doing, and the curl of his lip spread wider.

"Darling, I am sorry to keep you waiting, but I had been detained by a few of our visitors." he was saying loudly to Quinn as the three Orlesian ladies approached. It was the three from the Winter Palace, Keliva, Tristanne and Lisette. Three peas in a pod. She should have guessed. Those same ladies scarcely left Cullen's side that whole evening at Halamshiral.

"Inquisitor!" Tristanne exclaimed, she eyed the two of them behind her porcelain mask.

"Please, call me Quinn. Lovely to see you again. I see you have been keeping my Commander busy," she said, looking up affectionately into Cullen's nervous face. He returned her gaze and squeezed her closer.

"They certainly have. I apologize again my dear, I know I was supposed to be here ages ago."

"Oh, it's fine." said Quinn, smiling. "It gave me a chance to talk to…" Cullen nudged her gently.

"I mean, I am just glad you're here now. I had begun to worry a little."

"Cullen must have no end of interesting battle stories to tell you." said Keliva reverently.

"Actually, she has plenty of her own. Many which are much more impressive than mine," he quipped.

Lisette reached out a gloved hand to caress the red and black mane of his armor. She paused and removed her glove, and then began running her fingers through the fur as though it were a prize gelding's mane.

"I do wish Orlesian soldiers had such a stylish ensemble." she said wistfully. This made Quinn laugh. Orlesian soldiers were some of the most flamboyantly outfitted in all of Thedas.

"Do you plan on dressing for the wedding Inquisitor? I mean Ms. Quinn?" Asked Tristanne.

"I will be in attendance, yes." Quinn answered.

"I imagine you are looking forward to getting out of your commoner garb. Not that it is not becoming on you. But it is nice to change things up sometimes, no?"

"It is indeed," Quinn answered. She too was beginning to feel annoyed at their attentions. Especially all the stroking of the Cullen's armor. She felt him pulling away from their intrusively lingering hands.

"Please excuse us ladies, I have been looking forward to some private conversation with my… companion. Do enjoy yourselves." Quinn said. She pulled Cullen back into the crowded tavern even further, back toward the back door and fireplace, where the Bard was preparing to begin a new set of songs.

Cullen kept his arm tight around her waist as they made their way through the people, and she noticed a number of raised eyebrows a they passed through.

When they found an empty table he finally relaxed. The flickering of the fire cast a golden glow across them.

She knocked lightly on his armor. "Expecting a fight?" she teased.

The table was tall and lacking in stools, so they had to remain standing. He dropped his arm from her waist and turned his back to the rest of the room.

"I suppose I might blend in easier if I were in plainclothes. Maybe then I could elude all this… nonsense," he said. "Thank you Quinn. I am so sorry about all that."

"Well, I don't think our charade is up just yet. They may be across the room for the time being, but they are still eyeing you," she said. He sighed heavily.

"Besides, I can think of worse things than having the arm of a handsome man around me." she said. It took effort not to giggle. Darn that wine, she thought. She tried to regain her composure, nudging him playfully to break the tension, not wanting to add her own unwanted attentions to him on top of the Orlais ladies.

"Right," he said and cleared his throat. "Well while I would love to retire for the evening I am still supposed to meet with some of the groomsmen, to discuss security detail and the schedule of events. So for the time being I must remain. Though I haven't seen a single one of them yet. So I must ask to keep your services close by, if you don't mind too much. I hope you won't find my company to be an imposition."

"Of course it's not an imposition Cullen. I am down here alone anyway, on standby in case Cassandra needs back up. She is upstairs with a visiting friend."

"Cassandra, needing back up?"

"I know, it is unlikely. But I just left her and I don't think she'll be looking for me any time soon," Quinn said. "Actually Cullen, it occurs to me that you and I haven't really spent much time together over the last several months. I look forward to an evening of picking your brain. Perhaps you could regale me with some of these battle stories I have heard so much about."

He laughed. "Perhaps after a few more glasses of wine." Quinn realized that she had left her full bottle behind on the shelf. "Right, the wine. I seem to have set mine down somewhere. I'll fetch it real quick and be right back. Just keep your head down and maybe no one will see you. Though wearing that magnificent beast around your neck is going to make that difficult."

He looked down at his armor. “Right. Yes, I do believe I'll go remove some of this. There's a locker in the guard post just beyond the back door where I can stash it for the evening. It'd probably look better to our guests not to parade around in full battle regalia anyway. This is supposed to be a peaceful event and all."

"Good idea. I'll be here," she said, and slipped away toward the front of the tavern. Many of the tables in the room were full of boisterous people, so much so that all of the standing room was also full. It made walking through a tedious task, requiring that she stop and wait every two steps for someone else to step aside. She wondered where on earth all these people were going to sleep, and was amazed that the tavern had enough ale, wine and mugs to serve everyone with. But she supposed she was in the minority when it came to those who had not already been planning for this event for weeks.

It wasn't terribly surprising that the full bottle of wine was no longer where she thought she left it. She figured it had probably already been emptied into the glasses of nearby patrons.

She slowly made her way back to the bar, she asked Cabot for a new bottle, and two glasses.

"My, we certainly are celebrating hard tonight, eh, Inquisitor?"

"Actually I set the bottle down for a moment and it disappeared. I'll have to be more careful with this next one."

"Well, luckily we have plenty to go around," he said as he slid a new bottle across the counter.

She made her way slowly back to the corner of the tavern. The Bard was now singing, and a few tables of drunk patrons were swaying and singing along.

Surrounding a plain-clothed Cullen were the three Orlesian ladies again. They had not missed a beat.

She rushed back to them, squeezing between and around people. Unlike when she had first entered, most were so deep in their celebratory drinking that no-one even noticed who she was any more. She was grateful for that, and that realization only made her feel worse for Cullen.

"Excuse me please," she said firmly as she approached behind the three life-sized dolls. They gave a small bow as they parted and allowed her to pass.

She placed the wine and glasses on the table and moved toward Cullen, who was leaning with crossed arms against the wall. He seemed less imposing without his armor, but the light cotton shirt he wore did little to hide the curves of his muscular chest and well defined arms.

She felt an unexpected flutter in her heart as she moved in close to him again. He softened his expression and posture as she approached. This time the body she was found herself up against wasn't cold and covered in metal. It was warm, pliable and responsive. She was surprised to find that she suddenly felt incredibly nervous.

She put her hand back up to where it had rest on his chest before. But instead of a steel plate, she felt a firm strength and a pounding heart. In fact, the rate of the pounding seemed to be increasing.

The three Orlesian ladies retreated wordlessly back into the crowd, without Quinn having to say anything more.

Quinn was acutely aware of his hand gripping the side of her waist, his arm resting against her back as it held her close. It felt very pleasant. She hadn't had anyone's arms around her her since... since the man she wasn't going to think about anymore. The one who was gone, and most likely not coming back. But even then, those arms had been so slight. Still nice in their way, but very different.

"You're right, this is much better," he said. "I mean, without the armor. I was quite warm in that suit. I guess I'm so accustomed to wearing it I don't even notice any more." The ladies were back at the perch from which they watched the two of them, but his arm still hadn't dropped away.

"Yes, you look more at ease." she said, then nodded toward their audience, "I see the persistence you mentioned" She reached for the wine and poured them two glasses. Only when he reached for his glass did their bodies move apart.

"They're tenacious. I even told them outright that I wasn't interested, and that they were becoming a nuisance," he said. Quinn snorted a laugh, trying not to spit out the mouthful of her wine.

"You told them they were nuisances!? That is not going to win you any favors in their court," Quinn said.

"They barely noticed! They were too busy fawning over my armor to hear a word that came out of my mouth." Cullen said, taking a drink of the wine. "Besides I have no desire to return to their court any time soon."

Quinn didn't blame them. Cullen in full armor was a sight to behold. She had gotten used to it, but she could understand how someone who didn't see him as often as she did would be highly interested.

She liked the look of him now, too. He wasn’t much different than other man in the tavern, but he did have that way of regally carrying himself that set him apart. He was intensely focused and moved with purpose, as well as a complete lack of self-awareness. For all the shiny armor, Cullen had no idea he commanded all the admiration that he did. And something about that fact only enhanced his appeal.

"I fear I may need your assistance again over the next three days," Cullen said, looking a little flustered, casting his eyes quickly in the direction of his audience. "I do hope that they lose interest and let me be, but I am beginning to think that I can't count on that."

"Whatever you need, you got it," Quinn replied. She was beginning to think that she would enjoy this event much more than she thought. While she had never actually went through with pursuing Cullen herself, she always found him very nice to look at. And very pleasant company.

She told herself not to get too excited however. This was her friend, and he was specifically trying to deflect unwanted attention, not ask her for more of it.

She followed his gaze to the masked women and saw three pairs of dark eyes looking right back at her.

"Well if we are going to convince our audience that you are truly unavailable, we had best give them a believable show," she said, motioning toward the Orlesians.

Cullen nodded, seeing that they were still being scrutinized. "We should indeed.” He wrapped his arm around her waist once again and pulled her close with a quick, playful jerk and that half smile. Quinn felt a flock of butterflies flying loose in her stomach, and her knees suddenly seemed to have become the consistency of jelly. For all her acknowledging of his attractiveness, she was truly surprised to feel that his proximity was having such a quick effect on her. They had spent so many hours pouring over the war table, discussing plans and strategies, and she had never quite felt anything like this. Even during the card game which had him sprinting from the table in his birthday suit, she noticed and admired his warrior's physique, but her mind had never lingered.

Because of Solas. Because of the imminent end of the world.

She wondered what might have been different had she been able to resist being sucked in to Solas' mysterious world. But was a little flirting and a few glasses of wine really all it took to gain her interest?

Cullen looked down into her face with smiling, honey colored eyes that exuded warmth and intelligence. The skin upon his sharp features was smooth and flawless, but as pale as her own. And he had that appealing little scar on his upper lip. Yes, she certainly could be in a worse situation than the present one, she thought. Her hand once again crept up to lay upon his chest, revealing a heartbeat that was still racing despite their lack of real activity. She wondered what it was that he was so nervous about. Was it about being stalked by a trio of overbearing women? Or, could it possibly have been because of her?

She smiled up at him, figuring that any amount of adoration their admirers could read on her face would just help their believability. It wouldn't hurt anything to bask a little bit in this attention, would it? It was nice to be held again, to feel a man's touch, even if it was all based on a pretense. Cullen's smile widened in response to hers, and for a moment she thought he might come in for a kiss. But that would be going over and above the call of duty, even for him.

"I thought a part of the Game was never to reveal all your cards," Quinn mused. "They certainly aren't keeping anything hidden."

"No they're not. And why must they single me out? There are plenty of men here. I feel like a lamb on the way to slaughter."

She gave a sympathetic laugh and took a deep breath, trying to calm her jitters, but it only brought it in his spicy, warm scent. Despite all their hours together she couldn't remember a time when she had noticed how good he smelled.

She trailed her fingers up the front of his tunic, lightly caressing the soft thin fabric and letting her fingers stop at the button at the collar. She thought she felt him give a small shiver, but if that's what it was he covered it up with a small cough. She fingered the button, for lack of else to do. Cullen's eyes flicked about nervously.

"I can't imagine you being the type to put on a full public display even if you were with someone for real," she said, trying to make conversation.

"No, I'd be afraid it'd just come off as bad manners," he answered. She shifted her weight, and felt her leg brush his. His hand on her waist was growing hot.

"Luckily that isn't something I have had to worry about," he said. She felt the deep timbre of his voice buzzing through the skin of his throat. She wasn't sure why she was fidgeting with his button for so long. He had a little freckle on his neck just above the collar line, and the hairs on his skin were the color of spun gold.

"Well, I guess I shouldn't say luckily. It's not exactly lucky for me that I have had no one to, you know, or not that I wouldn't want..." he stopped, seemingly realizing that he was stammering.

She slid her arm up the length of his back, feeling the firm hills and valleys of his muscles. She knew he had to house a considerable musculature underneath all that armor that he wore, but feeling it for herself was still unexpectedly impressive. This is what the three ladies were probably thinking of as they stared at him in that way that they were, she thought. The way a predator does its prey. Again she thought she felt a little shiver at the movement of her hand, but if that is what it was, Cullen's face was giving no indication.

Cullen's own arm left her waist and came up to be slung upon her shoulders. He fingered at an unruly tendril of her hair, the light sensation making goosebumps dance upon her neck.

She considered how dangerous it was to toy with such an incendiary thing as physical attraction, no matter how slight. Could they truly expect that their bodies wouldn't begin to respond to each other when they were hovering so close? Surely any pair of people would feel what she was beginning to feel in the same situation.

She shook her head again, and reached for the glass of wine with her free arm. He did the same and they clinked glasses.

"Bottoms up!" she said breathlessly.

They emptied their glasses and poured another.

"This really is a terrible idea," he said gesturing to his full glass. "I am going to be drunk momentarily, and then what will you do with me?"

"I am sure I could imagine something." Quinn said. "Besides, the wine is making this all easier."

"My apologies again if you are finding this disagreeable," he said and slid his arm away. The area on her back where it lay now cooling in its absence, but she left her arm around him.

"On the contrary!" she responded. "It is... not disagreeable at all. That is sort of the problem."

Cullen cleared his throat again.

"Cullen are you coming down with a cold?" Quinn asked.

He gave a quiet laugh, "No cold. I just, uh, I don't drink often. And I do this sort of thing even less often," he said gesturing to their closeness.

The three ladies were now turned in toward each other whispering. In response she let her hand rest once again on his chest. For the show, she told herself.

People seemed to still be pouring into the tavern, the little space available still filling up. The crowd inched in closer and closer to them, which made them have to stand closer to each other to give everyone else room.

Suddenly Quinn felt drunk herself, but wasn't sure if it was the wine or the close proximity to a warm and very male body. The longer she stood there, the more sharply she was aware of Cullen's bounty of attractive features.

My goodness, she thought, was she really losing it so easily, and so quickly? Their little charade had only just begun, but already she felt herself buzzing with sensation. Every part of her that was close to him felt sensitized. Her thighs continued to brush occasionally against his, her arms around his tight waist, hand on his back, feeling the warm firmness of his strength. Without realizing what she was doing she had begun to caress any area that happened to be under her reach, even his back, which was completely out of view and so couldn't be for the benefit of a show. She stopped, forced her hand to stay still.

"We should probably let the rest of our crew in on what is happening," Cullen said finally, "You know, so that no one ends up with the wrong impression."

Quinn nodded. “Whatever you say Commander.”

"It could cause quite an uproar, and you know how gossip spreads. People will get the wrong idea. It could get back to Solas," he said. Quinn was surprised to hear him utter Solas's name. It snapped her out of her little daze.

"I am not concerned with what might get to Solas. He is no longer a part of my life. And no one knows where he is." she said, feeling her smile fall from her face.

His arm was once again encircling her waist, giving her an affectionate little squeeze. She felt his thumb gently caress her where his hand lay. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to bring the mood down."

"It's fine," she said. She gave him a reassuring smile, which he returned. She was exactly eye level with his lips, which were shaped like a perfect cupid's bow, a fact that she had never noticed before. It felt both exciting and natural to be resting there, in the nook between his body and his arm. She fit in that spot very comfortably. She looked away and forced herself to think of something else besides his lips. She must not lose her head.

A surge in the crowd pushed up against her and she was suddenly up tight against him, her lips only inches away from the smooth, velvety flesh of his neck. She felt his body heat radiating off of him, the electric tingle of their proximity against her skin, the comforting and stimulating weight of both of his hands on her waist. He held steady her while she regained her footing, and she braced herself against him and together they scooted away from the surging crowd. She felt the unexpected impulse to let her lips close the gap, and feel for themselves the creamy gold skin before her. The urge danced a trail down her spine and to the warmth pooling at the apex of her thighs. Their eyes met briefly, but his face betrayed nothing that he might have been thinking.

It took a few seconds before they both registered that something was happening in the crowd of people where the surge had occurred. They heard sharply raised voices amongst a hush, and without hesitating Cullen stepped around her and strode purposefully through the bodies. Two men were standing glaring angrily at each other. One of the men was wet, and the other's clothing was in disarray while he held an empty glass mug in his hand.

Cullen stepped between them and barked, "Enough." One of the men, recognizing his Commander, bowed to Cullen, finished his drink and then began pushing his way toward the door.

"You too. Go sleep it off." he said sternly to the sneering man who remained. His forceful tone left no room for argument. As the last man made his way out the door, a light applause broke out among the patrons.

Keliva, Tristanne and Lisette had managed to slip through the crowd and were just feet from where Cullen was raising a glass in cheers to the rest of the grateful crowd. They all took a drink, and then went back to their revelry.

"Will my duties never cease," he said, returning to her side.

"Commander Cullen saves the day again," Quinn joked as she refilled their glasses. He shook his head modestly and leaned against the wall.

"I barely had to do anything," he shrugged.

"That's because they respect you."

"I guess I should be surprised there haven't been more disagreements. This many people and a bunch of alcohol is a sure recipe for conflict," he remarked as surveyed the crowd. The three Orlesian ladies caught his eye, just feet away where they spoke to each other in quiet low tones. One raised a hand in a small wave.

Quinn slid back into Cullen's arm nook, and pointedly waved back at them before resting her hand back in its spot over his racing heartbeat.

"Maker's breath," she whispered, leaning in close to his ear. "I can't imagine anywhere that this behavior is acceptable. Certainly not in a noble court," she paused. "I really am surprised though, that you don't have a… real companion. You know you could take your pick." She was feeling fully intoxicated now. Only two glasses of wine! Well, two glasses and a surge of hormones.

"Is that so?" he asked, sounding amused.

"It is," she smirked.

"Well, now that things have settled down a bit I have been thinking that it would be nice to have someone to spend time with. I am no long a part of the Order, and the Inquisition requires more diplomacy than battle at the moment. Plus it has been so long since anyone has really captured my attention," he said, and she felt his hand start caressing her again. She returned the movement in kind. “I’m afraid I’ve never truly had a real relationship. It’s hard to as a Templar. The Order is supposed to be our first priority, not family. But I grew up with a big family, several siblings. I always imagined I'd have one of my own. I suppose the clock is ticking on that," he said.

"Cullen, I bet you would make a wonderful father. Very strong and dependable!" came a voice not her own. She turned her head to see Lisette standing behind her.

Quinn rolled her eyes and let her annoyance show through in the look she was casting Lisette, who retreated hastily back toward her friends in response.

"Did you see her there? They just keep popping up," she asked.

"No! Maker's breath! I think those women are crazy." said Cullen. "I am truly a little frightened."

"Don't worry, I'll protect you." Quinn joked as she trailed her fingertips up the firm curve of his spine. Cullen inhaled deeply, but didn't seem displeased. She couldn’t help but move her body in a little closer to his, feeling the tingle of need reemerge between her legs. Maker, she was ready to climb this man like a tree.

No, she told herself. Calm down.

"I'm sorry,” she breathed, “I guess there's a line we should be walking somewhere with this, but I don't know where it is. I hope you don't find this disagreeable yourself."

Cullen laughed, "Not at all."

"Please tell me if you start to," she said.

"Don't worry, if there is anything you need to know I will certainly speak up," he said. "Just relax. Let's try to focus on enjoying our evening, now that I have secured my freedom."

"Commander Cullen telling me to relax!? Well now I must really be acting tense," she laughed.

"Oh har har," he mocked. "To tell the truth I am grateful for this break in the monotony. Things here have gotten so uninteresting as of late. So much talking. To nobles, diplomats, ambassadors... Just meeting after meeting all day, every day," he said and sighed. "No, this is not disagreeable at all," he said and raised his glass to her.

She clinked his glass with her own again, and again they drank.

"So I suppose you are correct, in that we should inform the Inquisition party of our… arrangement. I think we have a long couple days ahead of us," she said as she nodded toward the approaching figure.

"You two make a very impressive couple," Tristanne said, as she stopped before them, clearly pretending to just be walking by. "Have you been together long?"

Cullen and Quinn looked at each other, silently deciding who should answer.

"Only a few months," Cullen answered. Tristanne paused, waiting for follow up, but Cullen offered none.

Quinn reached up and smoothed some pieces of Cullen's hair into place.

"There was gossip a few months ago that the Inquisitor was not well. The result of some disastrous love affair. Glad to see that you've recovered, Quinn," Tristanne said pointedly.

Quinn laughed, "Such imaginations you all have. I did experience a bit of heartbreak, but I would hardly call it disastrous. And, yes, I have made a full recovery, " she said as she looked into Cullen's eyes and squeezed in even closer. She nuzzled at his neck and Cullen played along, caressing up and down her arms. Goosebumps raised up on her skin, which he seemed to notice. His neck smelled heavenly, and it took great effort not to lay her lips upon his neck. She inhaled deeply before wrenching away to face the Orlesian again.

"Did you three ladies bring dates?" Quinn asked.

"We did not have space in our transport," Tristanne answered.

"Well, that's too bad. I am sure you will still be able to find some dance partners. Now if you'll please excuse us," she asked, turning her face back into the warm crook of Cullen's neck, her finger softly tracing the line of his collar.

"I must say, you are doing quite a masterful job at this," Cullen whispered to her. "Very convincing."

"Well, it is one of the easiest jobs I have ever had."

She continued caressing him, feeling lightheaded and thoroughly immersed in the moment. She raised her lips to his ear and whispered,

"But still not convincing enough apparently, they keep coming back."

His head lowered itself closer to her, and she could feel the tickle of his hair, and the warmth of his cheek against hers. She rested her other hand against his stomach, where she felt the outline of his muscles through the thin cotton tunic. It caused an electric ripple to travel up her body. She shifted her legs, fighting the urge to press her hips into him.

"I guess I have no choice but to continue stepping up my efforts," she said as she finally gave up the attempt to keep a little bit of space between them. She let her body rest fully against his, her hand pressing as it traveled around his taut torso to rest at the crest of a lean hip.

"If they aren't already convinced, then they are fools," he said, his voice coming in a low rasp.

Her hand left the seam of his shirt and trailed over the creamy softness of the back of his neck, and then she was running her fingers through his hair. He inhaled a ragged breath, and leaned his head against hers, pulling at her waist with both hands. If they had really been a couple, this would have been the moment that she would grind up against him and beg him to take her to bed. Her heart was fluttering in her chest, her body unable to stay still. Every inch of her wanted to rub up against him.

"I am…" he paused, sounding breathless, "fully convinced. And entranced. And… a little drunk." he said with a quiet laugh. They were holding onto each other tightly. Quinn could feel the heaving of his muscled chest as he breathed, and the warmth within her was blossoming into a full blown ache. Her own breath quickened as she imagined what passionate beast within him might be unleashed once his restraint fell away.

Quinn's lips brushed against his earlobe, and he inhaled again, causing her breathing to respond too. She wanted to do so much more, to run her hands everywhere that she dared, anywhere that might make him continue to breathe in her ear like that.

After several heartbeats, and few deep inhalations of his intoxicating scent, she forced herself to calm her body and pull slightly away before she over do. She was within a hair’s breadth of cross a line that could not be uncrossed. His head continued to hang where she left it, and when he looked up his eyes were distant and glassy. And also, full of what looked decidedly like desire.

She held his gaze for a few moments.

"Are you okay?" she asked.

He swallowed visibly. "I am... " he said. Her hand was still on his taut stomach. He cleared his throat and downed the rest of his glass of wine in a single gulp.

"I haven't been with a woman in a long time Quinn," He said finally. "I am finding this whole thing to be quite… a challenge. I am only human." he said softly, almost inaudibly.

"I am sorry," Quinn said. She had not meant to tease him. She tried to pull back, but he did not loosen his grip, stopping her from going far.

"I am sorry too. I keep almost forgetting that this is all supposed to be pretense. But you are only doing exactly what I asked. I appreciate it, even if it might be a little… torturous," he said with a sly half smile.

She was about to say the words on the tip of her tongue when she heard a voice call his name.

"Cullen!"

"Ah. The groomsmen are here," he groaned. She glanced over at the man to see him giving an encouraging nod to Cullen.

"Oh look. You're saved," she said.

"Saved," He laughed, sounding sad, "I guess so. Goodnight Quinn. Our struggles begin anew tomorrow."

She let her hand trail along him as he pulled away, and his own lingering fingers slid, warm and dry along hers, interlacing for a brief moment before contact was ended. She looked into the space before her, wondering if everything that just happened was real. She didn't know why they had touched each other so much when they didn't need to, why their hands kept contact until the last possible second. The wine was inhibiting her from thinking too far beyond the physical sensations, which she supposed had probably been the whole point.

The gulf he left in the air around her after he departed was almost physically painful. Her body was throbbing, a blazing inferno burning bright. She watched the back of Cullen's head as he followed the groomsmen up to stairs to the second floor. His eyes found hers as he climbed, looking darkly into her under heavy lids. They didn't look away until he was out of sight.

Quinn wasn't sure what to think or feel in the wake of the past hour. She had come into the bar with no expectation of anything really happening, certainly not with Cullen, and certainly not so quickly. She knew her head was swimming, her body pulsating and her legs still felt weak. She had too much wine, took too many liberties and probably acted very inappropriately. He said that she was only doing what he asked, but she had to admit that she had gotten a little too into her task. With her lips on his ear, and her wandering hands...

After a quick peek up to confirm that Cassandra was still faring well, and seeing that the table she and her friend had occupied was now taken by strangers, Quinn crept back down the steps.

She slipped out the back door of the tavern and into a small grassy yard. Upon some crates sat a couple kissing each other passionately. She watched them just a moment longer than she meant to, and then looked up into the sky. The last time she had been kissed the way they were kissing each other was with Solas. And even then, he always pulled away. He was always so insistent that their feelings were all just a big mistake. She pushed thoughts of him out of her mind and studied the tapestry of stars that hung over her head.

She felt engulfed by the sensation of sheer awe, looking up at the countless pinpricks of light. So many billions of stars above in such spectacular display made her feel small, smaller than she already knew she was. And she felt even smaller now knowing that she had probably made Cullen uncomfortable. She had taken advantage of him. He needed her to pretend, and instead she took liberties with him.

With a heavy heart, she walked out from behind the tavern and back toward the main hall. But she changed her mind about retreating to her Quarters. Instead she climbed up the battlements to a small room out of the way which had a cot. She had napped there many times, feeling much more at peace in a small, spartan room than in the luxurious quarters that had been appointed for her. She had never known such extravagance before in her life, and still felt uneasy with it.

She closed the door to the small stone room and curled up on the bed to sleep the dreamless sleep of the dead.


	2. Chapter 2

"So, Cullen, huh?" Cassandra asked at breakfast. "We all thought it would have been Cullen that you got together with at the start of things. It was quite a surprise to learn that you had chosen Solas instead."

"I was just helping Cullen out last night," Quinn explained as she poked around at all the food she hadn't eaten. "He has this… following of Orlesians. They wouldn't leave him alone, so I was pretending that we were together."

"Ah, yes. The old pretend to be my girlfriend trick. My friends and I had to use that a lot when we were teenagers to discourage unwanted advances," Cassandra said. "But I saw you two, and that certainly did not look like it was pretend."

"Yeah, well, it was. I guess we are just good at pretending."

"Then why you are melancholy this morning? Is it because you want it to be real?"

Quinn laughed, "Am I acting melancholy?"

"Yes. Your face is."

"I don't know. I might have made a fool out of myself," responded Quinn.

"I doubt that. And that is not an answer to the question."

"Do I want it to be real?" Quinn repeated and sighed, thinking hard. Cassandra waited patiently.

"It did feel awfully good being so close to someone again, I guess. Very good actually. Even when it was awkward it was still... very nice," she sighed at the memory of his arms, his scent. “Cullen is… Cullen. You’ve seen him. There is a reason he has rabid followers.”

Cassandra nodded with a wry smirk. "Yes indeed. He is an impressive man, and a good one," Cassandra said. "He would treat you right, give you the respect and honesty that a woman deserves."

"Well it sounds like you might want him for yourself." Quinn asked jokingly as she elbowed Cassandra in the ribs.

"No, no sweetheart. He is all yours. I had quite a good night myself. But I too am feeling melancholy. My friend must leave the day after the wedding. We will not have much time together."

"And where is he now?" Quinn asked.

"He is… indisposed at the moment."

"Cassandra, are you blushing?"

"No. I do not blush."

"Yeah, you kind of do."

Cassandra’s cheeks turned decidedly pink as she fought back the smile that was trying to creep across her face.

As she walked through her morning, Quinn couldn't help but scan every group of people for a set of broad shoulders and golden hair. She didn't know if he would continue to wear his plainclothes, or if he would be back in his metal uniform. He would be easier to see if he were, but she imagined he probably did not want all the attention that would attract. Even after a few hours of traipsing across all of Skyhold, she still had yet to catch a glimpse of him. She was nervous about facing him after the events of the previous evening, but was also anxious to apologize and make sure that things could be set right between them. She knew that no matter what he thought of her he would be kind about it, but she just wanted to get the apology done and put behind her.

The morning passed in a haze of small talk and greetings with dozens of familiar faces. She recounted the tale of Corypheus more times than she cared to count, and even deflected the advances of a cocky young Orlesian soldier. She eventually retreated to her quarters for a nap, and found herself faced with the red dress she had purchased for the wedding reception the following day. The dress gave her a small burst of optimism. This was supposed to be the time that she embraced those around her, and celebrated with her friends. Not time for her to feel sad over yet another man. She didn't know what Cullen could be thinking in the aftermath, or if he might remember things completely differently than she did.

She woke rested from her nap to the late afternoon sun piercing through her balcony doors. She knew dinner would not be ready just yet, so decided to take a walk.

The courtyard was hopping, completely full of people. She saw Cassandra walking with her gentleman friend, and the two girls from breakfast the morning before fawning over the dresses at Belle's table.

Feeling she wasn't yet ready to jump back into socializing with visitors, she climbed the stairs to the battlements, toward her little hidden room. But at the top of the stairwell she turned in the opposite direction, toward the part of the battlements that was her favorite in all of Skyhold. It was a little square hidden between two watchtowers that had the best view. Unlike most of Skyhold which overlooked a cold and rocky mountain range, this little section had a small view of a little green valley with a cool blue lake. Once she thought she had even seen a Great Bear walking across one of the meadows.

She made her way through the dilapidated watchtower, and entered onto the small overlook. The afternoon sun was golden and warm, and she went straight for her usual spot in the railing, overlooking the green valley. She stood there in silence, studying the view and the immense expanse of space that her eyes beheld. It would probably take a person months to traverse the amount of space that was within her sights at that very moment. She closed her eyes, and listened to the wind blow.

But she also heard the shifting sounds of movement, and it was unnervingly close.

She opened her eyes and turned toward it.

There stood Cullen, looking at her with his little half smile. Plainclothed, but still imposing. The breeze had knocked a few wavy tendrils of hair over his forehead, and the golden rays of the sun only made his honeyed eyes seem warmer, more piercing.

She jumped in surprise, and then sighed in relief once her mind recognized the figure before her. Immediately her nerves fired up. She was disappointed to note that he was just as handsome as she remembered him from the night before, if not even more so.

"I'm sorry, I wasn't expecting anyone else to be up here." she said.

"Neither was I," he said. "Actually that is precisely why I am here. I mean, not that I mind you...um…."

"Well I don't mean to bother you, but I have actually been looking for you today," she told him, steeling herself. "I wanted to apologize. For last night. I am sorry if I made you feel uncomfortable. I had a little too much wine and…"

"No, no, no," he said he came in close and took her hand. His touch was warm and soothing, and his eyes reflected an unexpected concern.

"Please, you don't need to apologize. I am the one who is sorry," he said.

"But why would you be sorry? I am the one who overstepped boundaries!"

"You did as I asked. I needed your help, and you performed expertly, as you usually do," he said as he squeezed her hand. She was holding onto him in return, sliding her fingers back and forth over his knuckles and the lines and creases in his fingers. She stopped herself, amazed at how easily she fell into affectionate caresses with him despite her abundance of vibrating nerves.

"And my ordeal is not over. Lisette, or whatever her name is, was waiting for me outside my office this morning. She threw herself at me, asking if she could come into my quarters. Offered all sorts of… services." he said.

"Unbelievable!" she said and laughed incredulously. She looked down at their clasped hands, and then realized that they were alone. There was no one that they were putting on a show for now.

Cullen seemed to notice her looking down at what they were doing, and after clearing his throat again he gave her hands another squeeze and then released her gently. He walked over to the other side of the railing and looked down into Skyhold itself. She followed settled beside him, marveling at the number of people that were milling about inside their little fortress.

"If you were a woman and she were a man, you would be in big trouble," she told him. "She would be genuinely frightening.

He laughed, "I AM genuinely frightened. Just because she couldn't physically overpower me doesn't mean she doesn't scare the life out of me. But whom do I go to? I am the one in charge of security. But can I arrest her for, what, being scarily friendly? Overly flirtatious? Luckily I have the aid of a very dedicated and beautiful friend," he said. She looked deeply into his warm honey eyes, and felt those same butterflies begin to bounce around her stomach again.

She walked back over to her original perch and looked out at the valley again, comforted by the stillness she found there.

"This is my favorite little piece of all of Skyhold," he said as he sidled up beside her.

"Mine too. I come here all the time." said Quinn.

"I wonder how we have never seen each other here before."

"Strange."

"Indeed," he said. "I relish the peace and quiet of this valley, especially after everything we've all been through."

They stood together in silence, enjoying the view for several moments. The late afternoon gold of the descending sun was turning more and more orange with every passing minute.

"Do you think dinner will be ready?" Cullen asked.

Quinn laughed.

"I haven't eaten all day. I have been terrified to step out without your assistance. Plus the whole morning was filled with talks and planning," he sighed. "More talks! Maker's Breath."

"Even if it isn't ready, I am sure we can find you something," she said, as she realized that the worry and emotional weight she was carrying around through the morning was already dissipating. She was beginning to feel light and hopeful again, just within the space of a few moments. A couple minutes of peace, a few reassuring words, and everything seemed like it was back to normal, with the addition of a horde of butterflies bouncing around her belly. But even so, she felt almost giddy.

"Yes. In fact, I know exactly where to scare up something," he said.

They descended the battlement stairs, and navigated between and around all the bodies milling about the courtyard. Cullen reached a hand out to her, and she grabbed it, holding it tight. They climbed the stairs to the Great Hall together, dodging the groups of people who had chosen that area to stop and talk even though it was blocking the path of others. How she already missed the quiet of a normal Skyhold day.

They entered the Great Hall and instead of heading toward the dining room, Cullen pulled her directly back into the kitchens.

"Magda?" he called.

"That sounds like my Commander," replied an unhappy sounding voice from the larder. “But it couldn’t be. He hasn’t deigned to come back here for weeks. I daresay he’s forgotten all about us small folk.”Cullen looked over to the elven worker who was chopping carrots and made a face.

The elf shrugged.

It was clear that Cullen had spent some time back in the kitchen during their stay at Skyhold.

"Magda, it can't just be the two of you intending to serve all these guests," he said.

"No, there was a whole troop of helpers in here about an hour ago. Getting in the way, making a mess. I sent them out to find something else to do. Some are fetching supplies, some are, oh I don't know, chopping stuff, somewhere around here."

Magda finally emerged from the larder.

"Well I see you're bringing in more people for me to trip over while I try to cook. Haven't you seen all the people out there!? And they're all going to want to eat!?" Magda said as she shuffled a bowl full of items over to the the table, and then stopped and looked at Quinn.

"Well, Maker's Breath. It's the inquisitor herself," she said looking unimpressed. And then turned to Cullen.

"What you can't stop in and say hello more often?" Cullen leaned down and kissed her on the cheek.

"You're absolutely right Magda. I should come say hello more often. My apologies."

Magda thrust a knife in Quinn's direction.

"If you're gonna crowd up my kitchen I'm gonna put you to work," She said gesturing impatiently for Quinn to take the knife.

Quinn grabbed it and joined the elf in chopping a thick, misshapen carrot.

"I am sorry I haven't been back here earlier to introduce myself. I feel a bit embarrassed that I haven't done that already actually." Quinn said sheepishly.

"Oh hush, we've met dear. You've just had more important things on your mind. Saving the world and the like. Just like Mister Commander over here."

Cullen was busy looking into the large cauldron that bubbled over the fire.

"Stay out of there! That's for the help," Magda said to him as she picked up a loaf of bread and handed it to Cullen. "Hungry I take it. I guess that’s why you finally made an appearance. Well, a growing boy's gotta eat."

"Magda, I haven't been a boy for a very long time."

"Oh you're all boys inside. None of you ever really grow up," she said, and then turned to Quinn, "You'll learn that in time. They're aaaall little boys on the inside."

"Thank you for the lesson," Quinn said, feeling charmed.

"Ha! That's right it's a lesson. Perhaps I should start charging for my wisdom. Magda's life advice!" she said. "Then maybe I could have people cook for me for a change. And more of you lot will stop making such terrible life decisions."

Quinn stifled a laugh, and wondered who she was talking about. She put together three carrots and chopped them all at the same time.

Magda snapped at the elf and pointed to Quinn's three carrots. "Like that!" she said. "Efficiency is the name of the game, son. It'll take weeks to feed all these people just chopping one carrot at a time."

The elf looked at her with big, exasperated blue eyes. He was very young, maybe fifteen.

"What's your name?" Quinn asked him.

"Rory," he said sheepishly.

"Hi Rory" Quinn said. He blushed.

"Oh go on over there then," Magda cried as she pointed Cullen to a seat. He was still hovering by the fire, attempting to dip a piece of the bread into the cauldron. "Sit down!"

Cullen seated himself on a stool, and the way Magda ladled some stew in a bowl and squeezed his shoulder affectionately as she set it in front of him.

Magda plopped a second bowl down beside Cullen and gestured to Quinn for the stool beside him.

"Don't you let that stew get cold there Inquisitor," Magda called as she came around to drop a bowl in front of Rory.

Quinn sat beside Cullen and he broke off a piece of his bread and handed it to her. The room was silent for a good ten minutes, except for the sounds of eating.

"See," she Magda said to Rory, "That's when you know the stew is good. When no one says anything at all the whole time."

Everyone nodded, feeling full and satisfied.

Cullen scraped the bottom of his bowl with a spoon.

"Why don't you just lick the damn thing," said Magda.

"Don't tempt me Mags," he said.

Quinn too finished up her bowl, feeling deeply nourished. "Magda, that was delicious. Thank you so much."

"Well you come back here sometime and help chop more carrots and we'll call it even," she said.

"Make sure you bring along this one." She said and she walked behind Cullen and tousled his hair.

"Oh get on out of here. I am sure you and your pretty friend have more to do than eat my food and crowd up my kitchen. Off you go." she said. Quinn noticed that depiste her tone she was smiling as she shooed them out.

"Well that was unexpected." Quinn said to Cullen as they walked back toward the Great Hall. "You must have known her before?" she asked.

"I've known Mags since Haven. I like her. She reminds me of my Nan, who passed away just after I left home for the Chantry," he said.

"That's right, you must miss your family."

"Yes, I do. My sister Mia is actually planning a visit to Skyhold in the fall. It will be nice to see her again. It has been several years."

"That's great." Quinn said. Cullen's hair was still a little tousled from Magda, so she reached up and combed some errant tufts back into place with her fingers.

"Fixed," she said. Cullen's lip curled into his half smile.

She had begun to realize that looking up into his Amber eyes could be dangerous. There had already been several instances of her looking into them too long, and finding herself feeling swallowed up and unable to look away.

"Would more wine be the worst idea in the world?" Cullen asked her. The light coming through the windows was that of sunset, and the tavern would be filling up.

"Yes. But I want some anyway. Though the tavern will probably be crowded again. And I'll bet your admirers will be there. Actually I am surprised we haven't seen them yet."

"Thank the Maker," said Cullen.

"Maybe just a quick nightcap, and then we should probably get some rest for the big day tomorrow," said Quinn.

"Agreed.”

The tavern was so full that the front door was wedged open while people spilled in and out of the rickety wooden building, clustering in noisy groups on the courtyard lawn.

"Uh… maybe not," said Cullen.

"We can go in the back?" said Quinn as she grabbed his hand and pulled him around the crowd of people. So many of them in their hats and masks of the Orlesian style, all were too busy talking to each other to take any notice of the two of them. Or if they did, it didn’t show.

She led him to the small grassy yard in the back of the tavern and found that that the door there was wedged open as well. But they were able to slip in easily.

Cullen stayed two steps behind her, clutching her hand as she made her way up to Cabot.

"Bet you're ready for a night off?" she said to the surly bartender.

"You mean ready to burn this tavern down and run off into the night with a beautiful woman such as yourself?" he said in a perfect deadpan. "The answer to that is an emphatic yes." She pointed at a bottle and then some glasses and gestured the number two. Cabot nodded in understanding.

Momentarily she and Cullen were climbing the stairs of the tavern, hoping the second floor might be less crowded.

"Here we go," Cullen said, and Quinn felt Cullen's body move in tantalizingly close. For the briefest moment she hoped he might be doing it of his own accord, but then she turned to see Keliva approaching.

"Lisette wants you to know that she greatly regrets her behavior this morning."

"Well thank you. Tell her I appreciate that," he responded. "And also tell her to please not do any such thing again."

"And Tristanne and I would like to know if you might save a dance for us after the wedding tomorrow."

"Well..." he paused "That will be up to my companion here, if she doesn’t mind." he said as he nodded to Quinn with pleading eyes.

"I do mind. You ladies have been coming on pretty strongly. Frankly I am a little shocked at your behavior. I am sure this harassment would not be acceptable in Celene's court."

"Oh, Inquisitor. Nothing good in life comes easily. Persistence always pays off," Keliva said as she turned on her heel and strode back to where Tristanne stood.

Cullen snorted derisively as he filled their glasses. "Not this time," he said. "Wait, why did I think this was a good idea again?"

"It's a celebration. This is what everyone else is doing. And look at how much fun they’re all having," she said looking around at all the laughing faces.

"Right. Yes. Of course you're right. We should be enjoying this time whenever we can," he said seriously, "I don't usually take such time off, to just sit with friends and talk."

"And normally there isn't an obsessive entourage following your every word. Or at least, not one that is so blatant and inconspicuous." she said.

He laughed, "Yeah, I think I shall make more time for this sort of thing once Skyhold settles back down again."

"You certainly should," she agreed.

Cullen's hand ran up her back, stopping just at the collar of her shirt before the bare skin of her neck. She felt the hair on her arms and neck stand up straight, and release a shiver that traveled back down her spine. Here we go again, she thought.

She drank a deep gulp from her glass, hoping that the liquid strength would help her loosen up. Glancing over into Cullen's quicksand eyes, she found that after a moment they both began sharing a slow, inexorable smile. And the smile then burst into laughter. She was beaming so hard she felt it was straining her cheeks.

"I... don't know why we are laughing." she said.

"I don't either."

"This has been quite a couple of days, hasn't it?"

"Indeed, especially for you. What a surprise to walk out of your fog and directly into a big wedding, and ...this."

"Yes, my fog. I was in one of those wasn't I?"

"You were," he said. His hand began making the slow trail back down to her waist. "Some of us were worried."

Her expression must have changed, because the hand froze in place

"I'm sorry. Should I stop? I am just feeling so comfortable and, well," he said, clearing his throat again, "I have really been enjoying your company."

"You don't have to stop," she said.

Feeling bold, she moved in even closer, snuggling into the warm nook of his arm. "I don't want you to," she said in a whisper so soft she didn't know if he heard.

This time she didn't have to put her hand on his chest to feel his heart beat. She felt it in her arm as she rested tightly up against his ribs.

He raised his other hand to her face then, and gently caressed her cheek with the back of his fingers. She closed her eyes and savored the sensation.

They said nothing, but Quinn felt the uncontrollable smile sneaking back onto her face. She looked down at her glass.

"You feel so good," he whispered as he gripped her waist.

"Cullen…" she started. She felt breathless. A great, hungry abyss was opening up inside of her, threatening to completely take over any shred of self control she may have had left.

"Yes, Quinn?" he asked, his voice soft.

She leaned into his ear again, as she cast her eyes toward the three Orlesians. There were so many things she wanted to say. She tried to arrange her jumbled thoughts, and decided she may as well acknowledge to herself what she was feeling. And that was that the time spent in Cullen's arms, however short, had awakened a very real desire in her. For him. She was hoping these things he was saying were all true, and not just a part of the show. She realized she wanted to attend the wedding and reception tomorrow as his date, not as his decoy.

And she also realized she wanted to pull his beautiful face to hers and kiss him and kiss him and kiss him until the sun came back up and then went down again.

He continued to watch her expectantly as she tried to think of a follow up. But the thought of telling him outright how she felt filled her with an icy fear. She didn't think Cullen would reject her, but after Solas pulled the rug out from under her when she had given him her heart, she still didn't feel completely safe opening up so bluntly either. What can you expect when you put two physically starved bodies together, she reminded herself. What if that was all he wanted? He said he wants a family, but that doesn't mean he wants one with her. She knew that he had surprised her, that she found his obvious nervousness to be sweet, that her body was aching for his, but she also wanted his heart. She knew she could get lost in his eyes and never want to emerge. Instead of all the things she wanted to say, she whispered,

"Do you think we should just… invite them over?"

"What!?" Cullen asked, incredulous.

"The Orlesian ladies." she said, trying to hold onto her wits, and not lose her head over the warm woodsy scent that emanated from his skin. The skin that was so close to her lips. She closed her eyes and continued, "We could nip this in the bud right here. Think about it, I'll tell them you're ready to share all the wild battle tales that they begged you for, and then you come up with the longest, most boring story you can possibly imagine. You can forget parts, and skip around, and just be such a terrible storyteller that they'll never want to talk to you again."

Cullen let out a deep, booming laugh.

"Yes, well, while that might work, it doesn't sound like a very pleasant way for me to spend the evening. I am no good when put on the spot."

"That's perfect! You're not supposed to be good," she said, and pulled away to look into his smiling face. "All you have to do is be completely insufferable!"

"I much prefer the alternative," he said, his eyes turning soulful and looking deep into her. She felt the world in her peripheral vision being to spin and cloud up, and it wasn't because of the wine.

"Yes. I suppose it is a little late in the game. The wedding is tomorrow and then they'll all be leaving and things will go back to normal."

"Right," he said softly. "Speaking of the wedding, I will probably be working for most of the morning. You may not see me until the ceremony itself, at midday."

"I expected as much," she said.

"But I will look for you. Will you wait for me?"

"Of course I will. If our special guests find you without your companion, you might end up bound and gagged and on a wagon to Orlais before you can blink. We can't have that."

"I dare them to try," he said with his half smile, which drew Quinn's focus to that scar.

"I would rescue you." she joked.

"Yes, you have already rescued me more times than I can count."

"Consider me on retainer. Anytime you might require my assistance, I am at your service," she said.

That half smile again. Quinn couldn't help herself, and she reached out and lightly ran her finger down his scar, stopping just before his lip, "How did you get this?"

"Oh that. It was from my time as a Templar, when I was still a new recruit. A Harrowing had gone wrong, and this poor mage…" he looked down, his face suddenly very serious. "It was the first time I had seen the demon take over and I was not prepared for what we had to do. It was a very brutal scene."

"Oh, I'm so sorry Cullen. I shouldn't have asked."

"It's okay. Don't feel sorry for me. I am here. Feel sorry for that poor mage," he said softly.

"What about you?" he asked, gesturing up toward the scar that cut into the hair above her temple.

"Well, that is a much more mundane story. I was bucked off a horse. Smacked my head, was knocked unconscious. Spent two days in bed afterward. I was a girl and the horse had not taken to me."

"Well that horse was a fool," he said.

"That horse was a jerk. I’ve tried to come up with a more impressive story, but I can't seem to invent anything believable."

Cullen poured them both more wine and seemed to remember his arm at her waist. She felt his hand massaging into her side and she let her head fall to rest upon his shoulder.

"Well I will think on it. Maybe I can come up with something for you," he said.

"Excellent. Then the boring truth shall be our secret," she said.

She looked over at his face, at the scar, and tried to picture the scene. She had heard horror stories about Harrowings gone wrong. She heard that happened more often than people knew. It had always made her grateful that she had not been born with magic. She studied his cupid bow lips, and wondered what they tasted like. What they felt like. The thought sent a shiver straight through her, pooling once again in the familiar depths of her body. She wished she could cup his face in her hands and pull his face into hers. Her eyes followed the pleasant angle of his brow and how it met his perfectly straight nose.

"I believe this will be my last glass. I must wake early to meet with the guards," he said as he cleared his throat. He had noticed her staring at his lip and she realized that she must have made him feel self-conscious.

"Of course," she said. "A good night's sleep sounds like exactly what I need too."

They sat in silence as they finished their last glass of wine. Cullen's hand began trailing up and down her back again. She quieted her mind and tried to savor the sensation of his touch, and the warmth of his body up against her. She nuzzled in even closer, resettled her cheek and let her eyes close.

When their glasses were empty, she was the first to rise, careful of the impression she was making.

The bottle was still a third full, so she walked it over to the Orlesian ladies who were now deep in conversation with each other.

"Here's a refill. Compliments of me and my lover," she said curtly as she set it upon their table. She walked back over to Cullen and offered him her hand. He took it, and they quietly descended the stairs to a first floor that seemed entranced by the bard's sweet ballad.

Weaving through the crowd, they soon found themselves out in the night air. It was much cooler than it had been the previous night, and the stars blazed over their head.

"I will walk you to your quarters." he said, his thumb running back and forth gently over her fingers. They walked slowly, their bodies sliding up against each other as they made their way through the courtyard. Even without talking, the minutes it took to get them back up to the Great Hall felt intimate.

She realized that it was a certainty that he was feeling at least some of what she was feeling. There was no one to currently observe these caresses, this moving together of their clasped hands. She knew there had been numerous other instances of this, of affection between to the two of them in ways that couldn't easily be seen. It was proof, wasn't it? Proof that this was real. And then there were his words. He had said she felt good. That he was enjoying her company. He had alluded to the fact that he wanted this to continue. He hadn't said so outright, but neither had she.

She considered all these things on the silent walk through the Great Hall and up to the door of the vestibule that lead to her chambers. It was still relatively early. There were still many bodies behind them in the Great Hall.

She opened the door to the vestibule and went to pull him in, but he stopped short.

"Are you not worried about people seeing us going alone into your room?" he asked her.

"Well this isn't my room just yet. There's a hallway and stairs and… and the last two days everyone has seen us in the tavern, and holding hands anyway," she answered.

"Yes, but everyone here that we actually know knows it's just for show. At least they do now, I took the liberty of informing some of them this morning. But seeing us retreat to your room, alone, may lead them to believe it is more than that after all."

Quinn instantly felt impatient. She wasn't expecting such resistance and insistence on propriety. She figured that she probably was really just disappointed. She didn’t know why. She wasn’t sure what she was expecting. Maybe she was hoping he might actually make a real, unmistakable move.

"Well, I'm a grown woman and I can and will bring to my room whomever I please, not that that is what I was doing. But it is no matter for me to walk the rest of the way to my room myself," she said, her tone a little more forceful than she intended.

"I am sorry Quinn, I meant no offense," he said stepping closer to her. His face was just inches away from hers now. "I only care that you… do not regret anything tomorrow."

"No, I'm sorry,” she sighed, “Of course I understand. Thank you for thinking of me, but I have no regrets,” she looked up into his face for a minute, wishing desperately that he would just lean in and kiss her right there. She wanted to bring her hand to his face and run her fingertips upon those lips, his perfectly stubbled jaw. The desire was overwhelming, and the minute stretched on for what felt like an eternity. But he wasn’t moving, just waiting for her to turn and go back into her room. If a move was going to be made, it would need to be from her. But she felt too shaky, too unsure of herself. She took a deep breath and prepared to wrench herself away.

“I look forward to seeing you tomorrow at the ceremony Cullen. I hope you sleep well," she said, giving his hand a squeeze.

"Goodnight." he said, sandwiching her hands gently between both of his as he backed away, letting her hand slide through his fingers.

She watched him walk away. He seemed to contain an unseen glow as he made his way through the other bodies. Even when he was wading through a sea of people, he stood out to her. Before he reached the door, he turned his face back toward her door and paused there. He looked so small across the dim, expansive hall. She couldn't see the details of his face, only that it was turned to her.

She gave a small wave, and retreated through the vestibule and up the stairs to her quarters. Instead of undressing, she walked out to the balcony that looked distantly down into the courtyard.

She studied the throngs of people, searching for his blonde head and purposeful stride as it made its way back to his own quarters, but there were just too many bodies out there. How things had changed within her in such a short period of time.

And she had gotten herself in very deep. She had let her heart get completely away from her, lured by the safety of pretense. But it had stopped being pretense at some point the previous night. She didn't know if it was just loneliness, or an attempt to prove to herself that she was desirable after Solas' rejection, but she now felt consumed by the familiar longing that she'd just spent months trying to purge from her system. The realization frightened her. She had only just emerged from her last heartbreak, and now she had already set herself up for another.

And yet, she couldn't stop the visions she was having in her head, of walking out of her room right that moment, knocking on Cullen's door and kissing him with the full force of her desire the second she saw his face. Probably the same thing Lisette had in mind, she realized. And he did not take kindly to that.

But maybe he might welcome such a move from her, if not Lisette. Based upon their secret caresses, and all his complimentary words, it seemed he would. Even if all he actually wanted was a few carefree nights in her bed, it would all have to start with a kiss, wouldn't it?

She dragged herself back into her huge bedroom and looked at the dark red dress. How would he react when he saw her in it?

She climbed out of her plainclothes and slid the dress over her arms and head. It cascaded down her body with a silky softness and settled into place, clinging to the gentle swell of her breasts and curve of her waist without being tight. The skirt dropped down off her hips straight to the floor, but it flowed behind her as she took a few steps. It was sleeveless, and while the front showed no cleavage, the back dropped down low, almost to the small of her waist.

The deep, rich color made her milky skin look like porcelain, and her hair look blacker than ever.

She would have to find shoes, and a necklace. Perhaps she would make another stop at Belle's in the morning.

The dress was very different from the poofy, elaborate ensembles that was the Orlesian fashion. But Quinn had never minded being different from the crowds. She wondered what he would think when he saw her. He already said he thought she was beautiful.

Tomorrow, she thought, tomorrow is when she would find out for sure what it was between them. If he didn't make it clear before the end of the evening, she would seek the answers herself.


	3. Chapter 3

At first light, Quinn was up like a shot. Her stomach was full of nerves about the day's events, but still she felt anxious to begin the day. After securing herself some breakfast, she walked down to Belle's tables, which were crowded with others also desperate for last minute accessories. She picked out a necklace that held a single teardrop jewel which she hoped was the same green shade as her eyes. And she found a pair of black, flat slip on shoes in her size.  
She carried them back to her room, dropping them next to her dress, and then wandered through the Great Hall. Small groups of people were bustling back and forth, setting up the Hall and preparing for the wedding. But she knew that while the wedding was the reason for all the guests in the first place, it was the celebration afterward that was drawing the most excitement.  
She came upon Cassandra sitting at a table with a mug of ale.  
"It's a bit early for that isn't it?" Quinn asked, seating herself beside her.  
"Is it? I do not care," she said, "But I am glad you are here, I have been looking for you. I need your assistance."  
"Whatever you need, Cass."  
"It is a very serious problem," she said, her face grim and scowling. "I have nothing to wear to the festivities today. I do not like any of the dresses at Belle's shop. I refuse to wear frills and lace and all those colors."  
"I had the same problem. Did Belle show you to the trunk she keeps behind the cart?"  
Cassandra looked up at her in surprise.  
"No, she did not." Cassandra answered sourly.  
"I had to specifically ask for it myself."  
"So she has more dresses?"  
Quinn nodded.  
"Well let us go. We are running out of time," Cassandra said standing up.  
Cass lead her urgently toward the door of the Hall, dodging other panicked girls who were trying to curl their hair and walk on high heeled shoes. They passed some Orlesians who had set aside their masks, and some decorators that were trying to secure bouquets of flowers sections of the walls.  
"How is our Commander doing?" Cassandra asked, giving Quinn the side eye.  
"He is well I think. I won't see him until later."  
"Yes, that figures. Duty calls. But you seem less melancholy," she said.  
"I am," she said and she sighed. "But Cass, I'm a bundle of nerves. I was only supposed to be pretending to be his… whatever. But now I can't stop thinking about him."  
Cassandra nodded. "That is not a surprise." she said.  
"That's all you have to say? I need your advice, Cass! Please!" she turned to stand in front of Cassandra, stopping them.  
"Advice? You want to know what you should do? All I can tell you is to have an honest conversation with him. I believe he will take it well, and will be kind to you if he does not return the feelings," she said. "I don't know why he wouldn't. You two are a good match. I know that he has not had a woman in a very long time. It has not been in his priorities, and he is a man who loves his duties. Unless he is truly ready to be with you, I fear you will always come second to his work."  
Quinn nodded and turned to continue walking.  
"Then again, he does seem to harbor desires to become a family man."  
Cassandra stepped in front of her this time. "But be sure of your feelings before you say anything. If this is just a rebound from Solas, you could be the one who breaks his heart. And Cullen does not deserve that either. And what if Solas returns? What if Cullen tells you he wants you too, and then Solas walks right into Skyhold tomorrow? Would you have a difficult choice? Because if you do not know for certain that you would choose Cullen, then you should probably keep quiet." she said.  
"Yes. Yes, you are absolutely right," Quinn said. "Thank you Cassandra."  
"You would choose Cullen then?" she asked and they continued walking, almost to Belle's table. “Over Solas?”  
"Yes." she said, certain of her answer, "I would.”  
"Well then I wish you luck with the conversation you must have with him. Do you plan to do it tonight?"  
"Yes, if the right moment comes up." said Quinn.  
"And if it does not?"  
"Then, I guess, I will wait until one does. But I don't think I can wait long. Maybe I will have to make the right moment happen."  
"That's my girl." Cassandra said.  
Quinn led Cassandra around to the trunk and they rifled through the simpler gowns. Cassandra found a deep grey dress that she pulled out and put up against herself.  
"Don't you want something that helps you look a little… softer?" Quinn asked. "Not that you're not beautiful. But I know behind that rough exterior is a romantic. Or do I have to have Varric remind you of that?"  
"Don't you dare!" Cassandra said laughing. "Fine, what about this one?" the next one she pulled out was a royal purple, with long sleeves and deep crevice down the front.  
"Hm, that looks more up Morrigan's alley than yours."  
"Here, this one!" Quinn said and she laid out a dress that was black and emerald green.  
"I do like that." Cassandra said. She took it from Quinn and held it up. It was mostly black, with cap sleeves and a shimmering emerald bar running down each side from under the arm to the bottom of the dress. There was no defined waist or skirt, it just looked like it would cling to her body the whole way down.  
"I bet your gentleman friend would like it very much."  
"My gentleman friend prefers me in no dress at all." said Cassandra.  
"Of course he does," Quinn snickered. "Well, anyway, don't forget shoes and accessories like I did."  
They gathered up their items and Cassandra followed Quinn up to her quarters.  
There was still two hours until the wedding, so they opened up a bottle of wine and lounged around her room until it was time to dress.  
Quinn went to the washroom to bathe, and then did her best to make her hair lay flat as it dried. She swept most of it off the to the side and secured it there with a small clip.  
After powdering her face, she put a small dab of color on her lips and pinched her cheeks. Her stomach was roiling with apprehension. She couldn't wait to see Cullen's reaction, but she also was not looking forward to the talk they had to have. What if she had just been misreading everything? What if after being given more time to think, she just wasn’t what he wanted?   
Cassandra and Quinn left the room together and walked out to the Great Hall. She checked over her room before she shut the door, knowing that she would not be able to return right away since the musicians and ceremony would be blocking the way.  
People were already starting to pour into the Hall, with family members occupying many of the benches that had been set up. The stage where she had sat in judgment throughout the early day of the Inquisition was to be used for the wedding ritual, while the rest of the Hall would hold all the guests.  
Cassandra quickly found her gentleman friend and introduced Quinn. But soon they parted ways, as Cassandra wanted to visit the dining room for a quick bite to eat.  
Quinn's stomach was too full of nerves for food. She acquired herself another glass of wine, but drank it slowly, not wanting to upset her stomach more.  
Several instrumentalists that were stationed behind the stage area began to play a haunting melody. People seemed to assume that the ceremony would be beginning shortly, and some friends of the bride came through asking that people clear the pathway to the stage.  
The hall filled with hushed throngs of masked, ornately dressed guests, while Quinn stood alone feeling ostentatious in her simple red gown.  
She found a spot along the wall, close to the door that led to the gardens, in case she wanted to slip away. Many of the guests eyed her as they took their seats. She did not know what it was they were thinking. But as the Inquisitor, she was used to being watched.  
Her heart was pounding as she waited for Cullen to make his appearance. She scanned the crowd, and kept her eyes on the door, but each time the door opened the guests who appeared were not him. .  
She felt shaky, her stomach roiling and uneasy, so she decided to step into the garden to center herself and get a few breaths of fresh air while she had time. She slipped past the dozens of guests milling about along the wall, and quickly exited the large wooden door.  
She was met by the sweet, floral scent of the garden flowers and she took a deep, calming breath, feeling the soothing energies of the lush, green space come into her. She took a few steps out toward the grassy lawn, and realized with a jolt that standing only a few meters away, in the pathway that ran along the perimeter of the gardens, was Cullen.  
He was dressed in a suit of solid black that buttoned all the way up to base of his throat, and which accentuated his broad shoulders and slim torso. He was speaking seriously to three men in guard uniforms, who were hanging on his every word and nodding. His brows were drawn slightly, his amber eyes focused and fierce. From where she stood she could hear the deep melodic music of his voice as he gave detailed instructions to the two men.   
Quinn was stopped cold, and for a moment she forgot why she was there. He hadn't noticed her yet, but it only took a few heartbeats before his eyes flicked in her direction and then landed on her.  
She swallowed with great effort, and gave him a little wave. He stopped speaking mid sentence and his face seemed to take on an even more intense seriousness, but his only real response was a brief nod in her direction. She didn't want to disturb him since he was obviously still working, so she decided to continue on with what she had planned out here to begin with, now that she could remember what that was. Fresh air. Peace. Quiet. All things she felt she needed even more now that she had just had the breath sucked out of her.  
Slipping her shoes off, she walked barefoot out into the thick green grass of the garden and wiggled her toes around between the cool blades. She looked up into the sky and breathed in deep, smelling the scents of Elfroot and Embrium swirling in the air around her. She wanted to sit, but decided not to risk getting green stains on her dress.   
"Maker's breath." she heard Cullen's voice behind her. She turned to see him walking in her direction, his face looking even paler than usual.  
"You… " he started, he was looking her up and down, his face expressionless. He cleared his throat and shook his head, "You look so beautiful," he said softly.  
"Thank you. You look… well, that suit. That suit is better than I know how to even describe," she stammered, her mouth suddenly feeling very dry.   
He looked down at himself and then laughed her off.  
He offered her his arm, and she stepped forward and took it.  
"I am going to be the envy of every man in there. And you the envy of every woman," he whispered into her ear. She felt a hot blush climb up to her cheeks, and she looked down at her bare feet. She was tempted to throw out her shoes completely and just stay barefoot. The dress was long enough that no one would know. Until it was time to dance, that is.  
"May I?" he asked, motioning to the glass of wine in her other hand.  
"Of course.” She held it out to him and he tossed back most of the contents in a single gulp, and then handed the glass back to her with only about a drink left. The dull thrumming of the music changed, and she figured the ceremony must be beginning so she slipped her shoes back on. They walked toward the door to the hall, but Quinn decided she didn't want to hold on to an empty wine glass for the next half hour, so she walked toward a bench along the wall to set the glass down at the nearby table.  
When she turned and walked back toward Cullen, he was frozen in place, watching her. Those eyes… deep, golden pools that were so full, so warm, and yet a little bit guarded and mysterious. They pierced her deeply, riling up a profound need from somewhere deep in her soul. She held his gaze for several steps, but had to look away, unable to handle the intensity.  
Sliding her hand back into the crook of his elbow, she bumped against the hard bulge of the muscle beneath his coat. She thought she felt a gentle tremor in his touch.   
"Cullen you're shaking. Are you alright?" she asked, knowing he had issues with Lyrium withdrawal.   
They were right at the door, with the music pulsating through the wood. The ceremony was definitely beginning, and she knew they needed to get out there. But she slowed her steps to the door, wanted to prolong every last second that it could be just the two of them. She had been hoping for a big reaction to the dress, and while he had had little to say, the way he was looking at her was sucking the breath right out of her lungs and making her feel weak. The butterflies in her stomach grew into sparrows, and began banging against the bars of her ribcage.  
"Yes," he said, "I am alright."  
They stood at the door silently, seemingly soaking in each other's company before joining the rest of the crowd. The moment was quiet, but full.   
Finally she pulled open the door, and they crept between the guests standing along the wall to an open space.  
She held onto his arm, and he placed his hand over hers. His hand was definitely quivering, and his palm felt a little sweaty. He was watching her with every step they took, his eyes taking on the deep, glazed look that they had the first night at the tavern, when they were both a little drunk and she had brushed his earlobe with her lips. She recalled the sensation of him clutching at her waist with both of his strong hands, pulling her to him. That couldn't have been for show, the way that the urgency and desire pulsated through her with his touch. She wanted so badly to feel that again. She needed to. She felt herself internally beginning to soar, knowing that he was reacting to her, wanting her. He hadn't needed to say much, as his eyes and his body was giving him away.  
They found a spot to stand against the wall, and slid into place. He put a shaky hand on the small of her back, but she decided that she wasn't going to just stand there with him, with free license to touch him affectionately however she chose, and not indulge herself a little bit. Besides, what if, after she confessed her feelings, he decided he wasn't ready to get close to someone after all? Or what if, as Cassandra said, he wanted to put his work first? Or what if he decided he didn't want someone who had so recently been in love with someone else? What if his feelings for her were such that he would bed her, but had no interest in loving her? Her mind ran through any possibility for her rejection and she found herself worrying. She knew what she thought could happen, or might happen. But she didn't truly know anything at all, not for certain. Her mind kept going back and forth between what she thought she knew and yet she couldn't stop reminding herself that she didn't know Solas was going to disappear like he had, didn't know that he would push her away and stomp on her heart.  
But still, he was there and their charade was still on. Nothing was over yet. She placed her body as near to his as she could, until she felt warmed by the body heat radiating off of him.  
The ceremony droned on. She couldn't see anything over all the heads in front of her, and she could barely translate the words being spoken, so her mind wandered for the whole of the ceremony. She leaned back against the wall and let herself get overtaken by her thoughts.  
"Are you alright?" Cullen eventually leaned down to whisper into her ear.  
She leaned into him, and found her lips dangerously close to his own. She inhaled deeply, and he smelled faintly of leather and cedarwood.  
She nodded, and gazed up into his searching eyes. Almost without any aid of her own, she felt herself pulled even closer toward him, the already small gap between them closing. She could barely feel it happening, and didn't know if it was the result of her own movements, or his. He wrapped a solid, comforting arm around her and she felt the tips of his fingertips dig lightly into her back.   
"I think so," she said.  
Her stomach was aching, the same sort of aching that she had curled herself around for months, laying in bed trying to smother pain with unconsciousness. It was physical, spiritual, emotional, with no single root and no medication except… except what? More of Cullen's touch? A kiss? A promise to love her in good times and bad?  
She let her body fall completely into his, her arms finding their place around his him, holding him. The curve of her hips fit into his, and let her breast press into his chest. His hand ran down the exposed flesh of her back, causing goosebumps to emerge all over her, and a shiver to ring through her skin.

She knew it probably didn't look terribly appropriate the way they were clutching at each other. This was supposed to be a wedding and a celebration, but here two not yet lovers were holding each other in ways normally reserved for private moments. But they were far in the back of the hall and no one seemed to be paying them any attention. Quinn was having a difficult time focusing on anything but the man in her arms anyway.   
The almost full contact between them lit a fire in her that began to smolder. His hand continued to travel up and down the bare skin of her back, alternating between firm, warm, caresses with his whole hand, and gentle, teasing tickles with just his fingertips. It caused her breathing to go ragged, just like how he breathed in her ear the previous two nights. She felt like her body had become a live wire, ready to come alive and burn them both if given just the right spark.  
"Come," he whispered to her and laced his fingers through hers, pulling her toward the exit of the Hall. She followed, feeling in a daze.  
Cullen quietly unlatched the great door to the courtyard, and held it open just wide enough for her to slide through. He emerged behind her and they both turned, almost knocking down a man dressed in formal wedding attire.  
"Oh, I am so sorry!" Quinn exclaimed, grabbing the man's elbow and steadying him so that he didn't fall down the stairs.  
He was a man of very advanced age, and was moving slowly up toward the door.  
"My great niece is getting married today." he said in a shaky voice.  
She looked at Cullen and they both turned to help the man quietly through the giant Hall doors. Quinn waited as Cullen walked the man slowly through the standing crowd at the back of the hall, toward the benches where the rest of his family was sitting.  
By the time Cullen had finished and was making his way back to her, the music was changing and people at the front of the hall were standing.  
"I think the ceremony is over," she said to him when he reached her, and clasping hands again they both turned and slipped through the doors, wanting to make it out in time to give the bride and groom, who were surely on their way out of the building, a wide berth.  
She wondered where it was he was going to take her, before they were interrupted.  
They made their way down the stairs, and crossed the grassy yard toward the tavern, but they did not go inside. They waited, hand in hand, and then arm in arm, for the long procession of bodies now streaming out of the Great Hall to cease.  
It was a beautiful day, with the sun shining brightly. Quinn felt the warm rays of the sun on her back and her cheeks. Cullen was beaming down at her with a gaze almost as hot as the sun itself, and Quinn smiled. She felt beautiful, desirable, and completely alive. She was a different person than she was just a few weeks ago.  
It didn't take long before the courtyard and Great Hall were bustling with merriment, and once it seemed the crowds had fully emptied, Cullen was pulling her back toward the stairs to the door.  
The musicians were setting at the stage where the ceremony had taken place, and items were being cleared away to make room for the dancing. There were tables in almost every corner of Skyhold, holding large casks of wine and ale. But Cullen seemed to be following the smell of the food that was coming from the dining room.  
A great banquet was being laid out including a rack of lamb and roast chickens, roasted potatoes, carrots and onions, and a huge table filled with bread and cheese platters.  
"Let's dig in before everyone else discovers this feast or we'll be waiting in queue all night." he said.  
Quinn laughed, and they piled a plate high with food, grabbed two large mugs that they filled to the brim with the deep, purple wine and dashed out the door through the hall, and back to the garden.  
They sat on a little wooden platform under a pergola, that was draped with creeping vines sprouting tiny blue flowers. Quinn felt her stomach rumbling. She realized that her nerves about the day's events had caused her to completely forget to eat. She dug in, with a hunger that she hadn't felt in a long time. Cullen watched her with an amused expression, and they sat in companionable silence while they emptied their plates and their mugs.  
Then they were finished, Cullen picked up her hand.  
He looked like he had a million thoughts flying around behind his eyes, and like he couldn't get a good handle on any one of them.  
She wondered if now might be the right time to start the conversation she knew they needed to have. But that little nagging voice in the back of her head, that little insecurity she still carried, told her that perhaps they should wait until they at least enjoyed a few dances, just in case things didn't go the way she hoped. The longer she looked into his eyes, the smaller that insecure voice became, but she didn't want to take any chances.  
He stood and helped her to her feet. They laced fingers and walked across the garden, which had begun filling up with other people.  
Opening the door, she walked almost right into Cassandra and her gentleman friend.  
"Oh, there you are. Marcus, this is Commander Cullen, and you already met Quinn earlier."  
"Yes, we met once before, back in Kirkwall." Cullen said shaking Marcus's hand. "Welcome to Skyhold. I trust Cassandra has given you the full tour." he said.  
"Please excuse us," Cassandra said and led Quinn several steps away. Cassandra looked stunning in her dress, the long clinging fabric revealing a womanly figure usually hidden under her shiny armor.  
"Apparently several of our visitors had run ins with some bandits on their way here, mostly on the roads coming from Redcliffe. I am planning on riding out early tomorrow and seeing if I can track them down before the guests all begin leaving. I hope to apprehend them before too many people are on the roads, so then I can just return to Skyhold. I would like your assistance if you have nothing else planned for tomorrow."  
"Of course Cassandra." answered Quinn.  
"But if we do not find them I would like to stay out until we know that all our visitors have safely crossed the mountain passes. And then a few of the traveling men who are going to Redcliffe anyway will keep watch for the rest of their journey, riding along the caravans until they reach the village. "  
"That sounds like a good plan" she said.  
Once all the arrangements were settled, Cassandra and Marcus departed toward the dining hall, leaving Quinn and Cullen standing amongst the rising flood of Orlesian masks and gowns. Looking around at all the hidden faces, she found herself feeling grateful that she wasn't at the reception alone. Even setting aside the thrilling developments with Cullen, she was glad not to be staring into this sea of porcelain masks without a familiar face she could turn back to.  
"I wish I could join you tomorrow." Cullen said offering her his arm and leading her toward the stage of the hall. "I hope you put that matter to rest quickly so you can come back home." Quinn smiled at this.  
"So..." he started softly, and then paused. "I suppose we should probably talk." he said.  
Instantly the nerves that had finally started feeling calmer were buzzing again. This is it, she realized. Internally, she began to panic. The night had barely even begun and she was dreading the possibility, however small, that their talk might end their evening together.  
"We should, I agree. But could we have one dance first?" she asked him.  
He looked caught off guard. "Well, yes, of course. I must warn you though, I am not practiced at dancing. Templars never attended balls."  
As if on cue, a gloved hand tapped on Cullen's shoulder, and he turned to reveal his three admirers.  
"Good afternoon Cullen, you are looking handsome." said Keliva. "My that is an interesting choice of dress Quinn."  
"Isn't it lovely? She's the most beautiful woman here." answered Cullen.  
"Of course it suits her quite well. But how bold you are to dress so contrary to the popular fashion," said Keliva. "In Halamshiral you would not see any dresses like it in the city markets."  
"Real beauty does not need all those artificial embellishments." Cullen said, looking warmly down into Quinn's face. She beamed back at him. "At any rate, I am afraid I must decline your request for a dance, as I already have a dance partner. Do enjoy your evening, and have a safe journey tomorrow." He said and gave a parting nod to the three ladies who stood speechless in their wake.  
Cullen led her up to where only a handful of couples were dancing. The sun was still streaming through the stained glass windows and casting the floor in a warm, golden glow.  
Cullen was visibly nervous as he took her in his arms and together they took the first few tentative steps to the music.  
"Thank you Cullen, for what you said back there." she said.  
"I meant it." he said. They were face to face and she allowed her eyes to wander over his features, lingering on his lips, his scar, his creamy skin. Despite his recent shave, his chin was already stubbling up with little dark hairs. She loved his strong brow and cheekbones which framed his deep, honey colored eyes. They always looked darker than they really were, she noticed. From a distance of a few feet they could appear almost dark brown, but up close, like she was now, they were flecked with a brilliant gold.  
She wished she could reach up and caress his cheek.  
The music was upbeat, and they circled together, matching the dance steps of those around them. Quinn could feel his chest rise and fall as he breathed.  
"Quinn, these last few days have been, um, very nice." he said. "At times a bit difficult to bear, but only in the very best way." he said. "The truth is, I am grateful to those ladies. Without them, our time together these last few nights wouldn't have happened."  
"True. We wouldn't be dancing together now." she said.  
"Well, I would have asked you to dance no matter what" he said.  
"You would have?" she asked, "Even though you don't like to dance?"  
"Absolutely. I have admired you for a very long time." he said. "To be honest I went into a little fog of my own when you and Solas got together. And I wanted to hunt him down when I heard what he had done to you."  
"You did? I had no idea Cullen."  
"Yes. But I have thought on it a lot since then, and now I see that, well, obviously that just wasn't my time yet." he said, and then cleared his throat. "I am sorry, I don't mean to be presumptuous."  
"Actually, Cullen, I…" she stopped.  
"The truth is, many times over the past few nights, I have forgotten that this was all supposed to be a show. And it has made me really happy, those moments where I found myself believing that this was real." he said. "I now find myself hoping, perhaps foolishly, that maybe it could be."  
It took Quinn a moment to register the meaning of his words, and she began to feel overtaken by a curious lightness. She felt the skirt of her dress flow around her legs bringing with it a cool breeze, and with each turn of their bodies she felt more and more like she was floating.  
He was still looking expectantly into her face, trying to gage her reaction.  
As they danced nearer and nearer to the stage, she clutched his hand and pulled him off the dance-floor, darting along the wall to the door of her Quarters.  
She pulled him inside and slammed the door behind her. And then they were together, lips pressed to lips. They seemed to have mutually moved toward each other, as naturally and unavoidably as magnets. At first the kiss was soft, his lips warm and dry. His hands were at her waist, and then on her back, touching the exposed skin and causing her to shudder. As they moved together with increasing intensity, his mouth opened and their kiss grew deeper and more urgent. She wrapped her arms around him and pulled him to her tightly, pressing her body against him in the way she had been dying to do the last two nights in the tavern. She caressed up the side of his strong neck, and then ran her fingers through his hair as she unleashed her desire for him. She kissed him with the energy of all the things she had been wanting to say. One of her hands came forward and pressed up his chest until it was at his face and then caressing over the stubble of his strong jaw, over his scar and back around his neck. She tasted his sweet, cupid's bow lips and fell completely into him, immersing herself in his strong arms and chest. Their hearts were pounding together, with only a couple inches worth of bone and flesh separating them.  
When the kiss was over they both had to catch their breath.  
He smoothed down her hair and let his hand linger over her cheek. She turned and kissed his palm, and then rest her cheek inside it again.  
A giddy laugh burst out of him, inciting the same from her.  
"I don't think I have ever been kissed like that before." he said to her.  
"Cullen, I haven't been able to stop thinking about you. Yes, at first it was pretend, but that ended quickly."  
"How quickly?" he asked, his face beaming at her.  
"Probably within the first hour. I had thought that it was just a natural reaction to being so close to you after having felt so alone, but it didn't take long for me to be certain. I want to be with you."  
Her sentence was almost cut off by his mouth on hers again, hot and full of need. She kissed him back some more, feeling that great abyss of desire opening up inside her again, and she let it wash over her. It was boundless and intoxicating, causing her body to respond to him in her deepest places. She felt awash with joy, and could hardly believe that this was finally happening.  
She calmed herself, with great effort, and reached up to hold his face in her hands. She wanted to savor him, to be fully present for every single second that their lips were touching. She thought Solas' kisses had thrilled her, but what was happening now was so different. She felt something deep down in her soul being satisfied with every movement of his arms around her, pulling her closer, caressing. She let her body rest against him and together they kissed tenderly, breathing each other in.  
"Quinn," he whispered finally. "I want to do this right. I want to court you properly, the way you deserve."  
She smiled. "But I am already yours."  
"And I am yours. But, still. If we rush into something that you end up regretting then I will never be able to live with myself."  
"I couldn't imagine any world where I would regret being with you Cullen."  
"Humor me, Inquisitor" he said softly as he brought his hand up to her face and caressed the outline of her lips with his thumb. "You deserve the very best. And I… I want to build something real with you, despite our inauspicious beginnings."  
"Well it sounds like your mind is made up, and I won't deny that the prospect of being courted by you makes me feel a bit weak in the knees," she kissed his thumb.  
"Well, weaker than they have already been for two days now."  
Cullen leaned in and rest his forehead against hers, nuzzling her nose with his.  
"I hope you find quick success tomorrow. If I have to be apart from you for several days so soon I fear I might go mad."  
"I hope so too," she said and moved her lips into his again.


	4. Chapter 4

"Where were you going to take me?" Quinn asked once they were back out on the dancefloor.

"To our little spot on the battlements. So we could talk. So that I could maybe work up the courage to kiss you." Cullen said with his half smile.

"I was a little afraid," Quinn confessed.

"What could you possibly have to be afraid of?"

"I was afraid you...that we… I don't know. Nevermind, it's silly." she said, wishing she hadn't mentioned it.

"Tell me," he asked softly.

"I was afraid that, well, that we wouldn't be here right now. That maybe the last few days were all in my head."

"Am I really so hard to read? I thought if anything I was being overly forward." he said.

"No, I guess it's not really you. It must just be that my confidence has been shaken a bit more than I thought." she confessed.

"Oh my dear." he said pulling her extra close, "you are the last person whose confidence should be shaken. For any reason. You could have any man here."

Quinn looked down at the collar of his suit. "It's rarely that simple." she said.

"Yes, I suppose that's true." He said, and leaned forward to put his lips to her ear. "But something else is also true: Solas is a right fool," he whispered and nuzzled a little bit into her hair.

Quinn felt a warm blush begin to creep up her neck to her cheeks, and a smile spread across her face as she looked deeply into Cullen's glowing eyes, which now looked right into her openly and without hesitation. She felt that familiar sensation of the world falling away.

"I'm glad he left." she said. Cullen smiled.

But her bliss was dampened yet again when she remembered the tasks ahead of her for the following day. She hoped she and Cassandra could make quick work of the bandits, so Quinn could rush back. She didn't know what Cullen had planned the following day, or what was normal for him on any day really, but hoped that when things returned to normal at Skyhold, that he would be able to make time for her between all of his meetings and duties.

It was much dimmer in the hall now, and candles were being lit in every corner, but she still saw a faint blue glow to the sky behind the mottled glass windows.

"The sun is going down, and I have to be ready to depart by dawn." she said, sad at the prospect of having to end their night. "Would you still like to visit the battlements? Perhaps we can watch the rest of the sunset, before I have to begin preparations for tomorrow morning?"

"That sounds like a lovely idea." he agreed.

The Great Hall was now completely filled with dancers. As Cullen and Quinn made their way toward the door, she noticed that the few tables that had been set up were pushed back to the wall, to accommodate all the couples spinning and moving about on the floor. They passed a few couples in full amorous display, and could tell by the volume of the laughter that the wine had been having the same effect on everyone else as it had on her over the past few evenings. Not that she only had the wine to blame, or thank. Quinn happily noted the flaxen girl from breakfast flirting enthusiastically with a man in a shiny mask.

She and Cullen continued to smile shyly at each other as they made their way across the cool courtyard and up the battlement stairs.

The unused watchtower that they had to pass through was so dark she could barely see her hand in front of her face. She clutched tightly to Cullen and they crept cautiously through the dark until they reached the other door. It creaked open to a deep purple sky that was still being licked by orange and pink tendrils at the deepest parts of the horizon. Straight up above the stars gleamed and shimmered.

Quinn felt awe-struck at the spectacular display of heavens and sky before them.

Cullen turned to face her and she came in immediately for another kiss, not wanting to waste a moment now that they were alone again.

She hadn't kissed many men in her life. Only four of them total, including Solas. And while she had never thought that anything could top Solas's kisses, she found that those seconds under the stars wrapped in Cullen's arms, exploring the texture and sensation of his mouth, easily surpassed anything that she had ever experienced before. His kisses alternated between tender and soft, and quaking with restrained passion and intensity. His arms and hands kneaded at her flesh gently, but she could feel the unused strength in them. The way he enveloped her with his whole body made her feel small, precious and protected. But most of all, he was completely present. He wasn't pulling away, or frowning at the doubtful thoughts he was trying to put together to say to her. She felt that she had his complete focus. And it made her wonder how on earth she hadn't been madly in love with him since the day they met. Imagine the heartbreak she could have avoided if she had only paid attention to the man that was truly behind all those flirtatious stammerings, she thought, and not gotten distracted by that enigmatic and distant little elf. She remembered how flustered Cullen got the first time back in Haven that she said something complimentary to him, and it made her smile through his kiss.

She was happy to allow the kiss to continue for as long as they dared, though she felt her body begin to respond to him again in that familiar and thrilling way. The curves of his muscles were easily mapped out with the lightest touch, even under the sharp lined tailoring of his suit. And based on what her fingers saw, he had the chiseled body of a hardened warrior. But was still lithe and not overly encumbered. His almost sharp scent was absolutely intoxicating, and she felt it filling her up somewhere primal.

And the way Cullen touched her was something close to magic. His hand on her bare skin almost burned with the sweetest and most delicious intensity. She felt that she couldn't get close enough to him, that she needed to feel more of him, and she needed to feel it all over her.

"Maker's breath," he said into her ear.

"What?"

"Is it always like this between two people? Is it always so… intense?" he asked.

"You haven't been with many women Cullen? A handsome, powerful man such as yourself?" Quinn asked. She could tell by his nervousness around her that he hadn't been terribly experienced, but to imagine that he could have gone so far in his life without ever really loving anyone seemed so unlikely. Surely many women had loved him, even if he didn't know it.

"Many? Goodness, no." He said. "Don't get me wrong, there have been a few, and I have had my crushes here and there. But it was nothing like this.."

"That surprises me." Quinn said, amused.

"To think that things in life can change so quickly," he said. He rested his forehead against hers and inhaled deeply.

"Well, no. To answer your question. It is not always like this." she said.

"And the last couple nights… Maker's breath."

"You said that already." she said, unable to pull the smile off her face.

"Yes, well. I am beginning to see what all the fuss is about. All the books and poems and stories. I confess that for much of my life all that just went right over my head." he said. "But getting to hold onto you these past couple nights… I understand now. It's like you were made to fit right in my arms." he said and kissed her softly. "Like your lips were made to be kissed." he kissed her again. And then pulled away as his hands began running up and down the length of her bare back. "Like your body, our bodies, were made to fit perfectly into each other…" he said.

"I think they were." She answered, breathless, and he let out a low groan, almost a growl, as he pulled her in yet again with much more urgency. This kiss was much deeper, forceful even. His hands gripped around her waist and squeezed and pulled, with a new strength that seemed to be struggling right at the edge of restraint. Quinn relished the sheer power behind it, knowing that if he wanted to, he could completely break her apart with his hands. She almost wished he would, longing for him to just let go and ravage her. But the hard kiss ended abruptly, and once again he pulled back.

"I'm sorry for that, if it was too rough." he said.

She caught her breath, and then whispered, "I liked it." she breathed. "Don't worry, I won't break."

The full length of his body was up against her again, and she could feel the rhythmic pounding of his heart against her. Inside the sensation of throbbing and pulsing was her own heart, going a beat faster than his.

"I know it's soon, and that this is all still new. But this just feels so right." he said. She nodded in agreement as she nuzzled closer.

But still, underneath the roaring of sensations and desire, she felt nervous about the risk of her offering up too much of herself to him, too soon. Especially now that all pretense was gone. And it was a real risk. The shaky excitement that was coursing through her body still made her want to throw him down on the floor at their feet and give herself over to him completely, to claim him as hers once and for all. But a little voice in the back of her head was urging restraint. "I want to do this right." He had said to her, and she did too.

He must have heard that little voice as well, as he pulled his face away, though he kept his fingers threaded through her hair and the other arm wrapped securely around her waist.

"I hope I have put all your fears to rest." he said gently, referring to their earlier conversation.

She nodded, feeling sort of foolish. "Completely" she said, catching her breath and willing her body to be still. "I feel a little silly that I even mentioned it."

Cullen let out a light laugh and gave her a reassuring squeeze. "You don't ever have to feel silly my dear."

"Thank you Cullen." she said, caressing his cheek, and forcing a sense of calm into her highly stimulated muscles.

"So, what do you have planned for tomorrow?" she asked, eager to change the subject.

"Well, with so many of the caravans planning on departing it is going to be a long day full of tedious security checks and taking inventory and meetings and…," he sighed, "I have a headache just thinking about it. I will be wishing I was with you."

She took his hand and walked over to the edge of the battlements. The snowy mountains behind them reflected back the last hues of orange and pink from the sunset, but all the details of the vista before them were lost to the darkness. To the west, the sun was flaring its last bursts of light as it sank.

The breeze that came toward them from glacial mountaintops brought along an icy chill and she shivered. Cullen noticed and moved in behind her, warming her with his closeness, running his hands along her bare arms. His lips brushed against her neck, and she heard him inhaling at her hair as though trying to capture her scent. She closed her eyes and sank back into him.

 

=============

 

The sky was the same color when Quinn greeted the morning stars on her walk out to the stables. Some of the carts and wagons were lit up with lantern light, their inhabitants preparing for the day's journey.

She looked deep into the sky and recalled her vision of Cullen in the garden, standing there in his sharp black suit. She sighed deeply. With any luck she would be back by this evening, so she could rush to him and feel him wrap his arms around her again. It had only been a night apart, as they had reluctantly parted for their own rooms after almost falling asleep on the battlements. But already she was aching for his touch again.

It didn't help that she got almost no sleep in the hours she spent in her own bed. She tossed and turned for what seemed like forever, tangling herself up in her sheets and feeling as restless as she had ever felt in her life. Despite the calm she felt under the sky with Cullen, when alone in her room she just couldn't seem to purge herself of the excitement of the evening, of the memory of Cullen's kisses. Of the knowledge that this man who had held her in complete thrall for several evenings returned the passion that had flared up so inexorably within the past few days.

She even said his name several times while alone in the dark, the sound tumbling off her lips almost outside of her control. Cullen. It wasn't just her voice calling for him, it was her whole body and soul. She would have given anything to have him there with her in the dark. Imagining them together, bare skin on skin was almost more than she could handle. Yes, she still wanted them to take their time and do things right, but she was only human. Her body longed for his touch, for his weight on her, for his sinewy muscles moving around her, pressing into her and taking her to the heights of pleasure. Her body burned with desire. It was a good thing he wasn't there with her in bed, as she would have happily cast aside all propriety and insisted that he take her.

It took great effort to quiet her mind and her body, to stop the moving pictures from invading her attempts at rest. And eventually she did fall asleep, but whether that was for a few hours or only a few minutes she could not say.

Walking through the crisp courtyard air in the dark, she felt like it must have been the latter.

Part of her wanted to creep up into his room and place a quiet kiss on his lips before she departed, but she knew it was not a wise idea to sneak up on a slumbering warrior, no matter how skilled she was in the arts of stealth.

She readied her horse while she waited for Cassandra, and when her friend finally made an appearance they wordlessly trotted through the front gate of Skyhold.

She always hated riding in the dark over the long bridge that led from the front gate to the mountain roads. The blocks that served as railings on the side of the bridge barely did anything to remove the impression of the edge dropping straight off into the giant canyon below them. She doubted they would prevent anything or anyone from going over, particularly when helped by a strong gust of wind.

The icy outcroppings hundreds of feet below caused that wind to whistle as it traveled under and around the bridge, surrounding them on all sides with an eerie howl. She always felt vulnerable out there. If something flighted such as a dragon chose to attack them during the ten minute journey across the bridge, they would be completely exposed.

During the day, the view was actually quite spectacular. But when the sun was down, the bridge was a different beast entirely.

"So, these bandits, do we have any idea of their numbers?" Quinn asked at last when they finally reached the other side. It was difficult to speak while on the bridge, as the howl often drowned out any sounds. The tall white frostbacks that rose around them began to become more visible as the sun prepared to rise above the horizon at their rear

"There is a band of five of them, which includes one mage. Two camps reported that they saw two first, pretending to be stranded travelers. When the wagon's stopped, then the other three made their appearance." said Cassandra.

"Typical," remarked Quinn.

"Yes, certainly lacking in originality, and our guests here apparently did not have the wits to see through it." continued Cassandra, "Anyway, they targeted the wagons that were alone. So the departing guests have been instructed to leave in groups for the return trip, not to leave anyone alone and stay in as big a caravan as they can manage. I have a map that has the locations of the encounters marked on it, and we should reach the first area in about three hours. We have no way to know where they really are now, but if they are planning further attacks then I imagine they will at least have a scout out close by to report on activity in the road." said Cassandra.

"We'll need to get off the roads once we reach a suitable point." observed Quinn. There was no point in doing it now, as the snowy bluffs on either side of the road seemed to be just as exposed at the road itself..

"Yes. Once we get below the tree line I will take one side of the road, you take the other. Of course it is possible that the bandits got everything they wanted and are long gone. But we might be able to find their campsites, and see where their tracks lead."

"Did they hurt anyone?" asked Quinn.

"No. But a noble family did lose a set of heirloom jewels which has caused considerable distress to the matriarch. We must try to retrieve them if we get the opportunity. Also Cullen is sending along some soldiers to assist, but they are giving us a wide head start so that we have time to scout things out for ourselves. Once the road is full of soldiers than we lose any element of surprise."

"Of course." Quinn nodded, and then paused."So I can't help but notice Marcus is not with us."

"No. Things with Marcus did not end on a good note."

"Oh, I am sorry to hear that."

"Yes, he failed to mention to me that he was engaged to be married."

"Oh!" exclaimed Quinn with genuine surprise.

"Yes, of course he claims he had no intention of getting involved with me during his visit to Skyhold, though that was not the impression I got from him when he wrote to me. But he states that he is not happy about his engagement. He was pressured into it by his family."

"He is a grown man, is he not?"

"That is what I said." stated Cassandra. "It is an upsetting turn of events. But I will survive. He would have been leaving either way."

"Of course."

"Your evening with Cullen seemed to go well."

At the mention of his name, Quinn felt herself swoon a little and she fought back a smile.

"It did, yes. About as well as I could have hoped."

"Well, I bet you are relieved. Cullen has endured much in his life and has come a very long way. He deserves happiness." Cassandra said in her clipped, no-nonsense manner. "As do you."

Quinn thought back on everything she knew about about Cullen's time with the Templars. He had been tortured after being imprisoned by the mage Uldred, during the fall of the Ferelden circle. And he opposed and fought back against his Knight-Commander, Meredith, who had gone mad with the effects of red lyrium. The events of Kirkwall were well known to all, and it shook her a little to try to reconcile the stories of what he had seen and experienced with the calm, sensible and strong man whose kisses had been branded into her memory. She wondered most about the torture. Back after the loss of Haven, when they discussed his decision to quit lyrium, Cullen had brought up the fact of his torture, and how it still haunted him. She knew these things about him, but so rarely really thought of it. He never gave any indication that he was struggling, mentally or otherwise. But then she supposed he would not be as effective a Commander as he was if he let those things affect his ability to lead. He had to maintain an in-control and respectable mask at all times for his soldiers. It was a requirement of his job.

"Yes, he had been through quite a bit hasn't he." Quinn said as the weight of the realization sunk in.

"And he still struggles with pain from the lyrium addiction, but at least he has not yet seen its worst effects." added Cassandra.

"He does." Quinn said.

"And it has been escalating in fact. Recently he has been getting more frequent headaches. You may have noticed several days in the last couple months when he was not around. That is because he was ill."

"Oh!" Quinn said, surprised. She recalled no such days, but she hadn't exactly been paying attention. It shocked her to consider a time in her life, and so recently, when she wouldn't have noticed Cullen's presence.

"Please don't make a big deal about it to him. He would not like that I have told you. But I have worried a little." Cassandra said.

"So has there never been anyone who has kicked the lyrium addiction with succumbing to madness or death?" Quinn asked.

"Not as far as I know. But just because we don't know about someone successfully quitting lyrium doesn't mean it hasn't happened." she paused, "It could be that that information has been hidden by those who don't want to encourage Templars to try it."

"But some have died. We do know that."

"Yes. It is a very real risk."

"Does he tell you much about what it's like?" Quinn asked.

"Not really, I think he only tells me what he has to." Cassandra answered, " The things that will cause people to ask questions and need to be explained anyway."

"Have you ever seen him on these days?"

"I did once. It looked… bad. He could barely speak." said Cassandra.

"Is there anything that can be done?" Quinn asked.

"He has tried every potion and healing poultice available as far as I know. But the effect of lyrium is much more than just physical, so healing the flesh alone doesn't take away the pain. Lyrium is distilled magic, after all, and magic takes many non-physical forms. I have spent many months researching and wracking my brain for a possibility of any other solution that has not been tried. And I have yet to find anything promising."

Quinn fell silent, lost deep in thought.

The land around them was slowly being unveiled by the rising sun, and after another hour of trotting along quietly, she could see the treeline approaching.

"We should consider getting a mabari or two," Quinn said eventually. "For situations such as this. We could greatly benefit from a creature that sniffs out hidden trails, or can sense something close by that we cannot."

"Yes. That does seem a bit overdue." Cassandra agreed.

Quinn wished they had some right then. This whole day could be over in a matter of hours if they could just send a hound out to find a trail.

She just wanted to be back with Cullen, especially now that she knew he had been silently struggling with so much pain. But would he appreciate her mentioning it, and fawning over him in an attempt to help? Was it even possible for her to help?

Once they reached first cluster of trees, Cassandra and Quinn tied up and fed their horses, and then set out separately on foot.

The alpine forest was quiet and peaceful. The wind that had howled at them as they crossed the bridge wasn't blowing here, only the occasional breeze that made the treetops around her whisper.

She walked on, trudging through the shin deep snow, her feet getting colder with every step. Between the tiredness and the scenes of the last two days invading her focus, she found that she was closing her eyes for long periods at the memory of Cullen's lips. She listened to the stillness around her as she allowed the recollections of how Cullen felt against her body warm her from the inside out.

She still had flashes of their drunken time in the bar, his hands around her waist, pulling on her. His lips so close, his head resting against her as she whispered in his ear.

She relived those moments, trying to recall the sounds, the smells. All the little sharp inhalations of breath that came from him whenever she allowed her hand to venture out.

But still, nothing compared to the kisses on the battlements. Both the soft, tender kisses where they just breathed each other in, and then the time he kissed her hard, promising a passion unlike anything she had known before, to be released at the moment they finally give themselves to each other completely. The thoughts that followed, the pictures she manifested of the things she wanted to do with him, were almost unbearable to endure. But it had certainly helped to warm her up.

She also thought of his struggles, wondering about his pain. Wondering if she might be able to get him to talk about it. Her desire for him reached an entirely new level now. Now she not only wanted to love him and satisfy his body, but she also wanted desperately to provide some comfort and peace to his troubled mind.

She opened her eyes again, trying not to walk into a tree, trying to remember that she was there for a reason. A good reason. The safety of the departing caravans depended on her and Cassandra.

Unless the bandits were long gone, she thought. It was the fourth day since most of the visitors arrived in Skyhold. The perpetrators could be miles away, and their trails completely cold.

But why wouldn't they come back to an almost sure repeat performance? Their haul had been good, but it could be better.

Because this time the mighty Inquisition had probably sent along a security detail.

She wondered if she could change Cassandra's mind about following the caravans to the mountain passes. That was a two day trip each way, guaranteeing a minimum of four days before returning to Skyhold. That sounded impossible. She didn't know that she would be able to make it that long, without breaking free and rushing back to Cullen's arms. But if the bandits were caught, that would be the end.

Quinn kept her eyes open and alert while the remainder of the morning dragged on. She saw and heard only the movement of the mountain creatures. There was a small herd of ram on a hillside, and birds flitting from tree to tree. It was peaceful and crisp and on any other day she would have been grateful for the serenity she gained from simply existing quietly within the natural world. On any other day but this day, where there was only one place in all of Thedas that she wanted to be.

The sun climbed steadily higher into the sky, and it had centered itself directly above her when she first heard the footfalls of galloping horses on the road. Turning toward it, she emerged from the trees in time to see ten Inquisition soldiers approaching, the sun glinting off their shiny metal armor.

Cassandra emerged several yards ahead of Quinn on the other side of the road. The soldiers slowed their horses once the two of them were sighted and came to a complete stop just steps away.

"Good afternoon Inquisitor. Cassandra." said a tall lanky elf who was riding in the front. He climbed down off his horse.

"I am Telath, first lieutenant. We are at your service."

"Yes, I remember you. Thank you for your assistance today. Unfortunately we have seen nothing so far." said Cassandra. Telath nodded in understanding. "Did you pass our horses?" she asked.

"We did, and they are well. We left them some water."

"And how far behind you are the wagons?"

"The first ones were preparing to leave just after us, but we kept a steady gallop and got a bit of distance between us. The wagons will be moving much more slowly. But I think we will probably begin to see them in the next couple hours. "

"Thank you. Now I am sure Cullen has informed you of our tasks. We would like a few of you to join us on foot to search for any signs of a trail or campsite. Two of you stay with the horses, including ours back at the edge of the treeline. The rest of you go back to the caravan and begin to patrol along the wagons, particularly the smaller groups. If we see nothing of the bandits, we will accompany the wagons to the last mountain pass and then return to Skyhold."

"Yes ser." The soldiers said, as they began conversing with each other to decide who was taking which detail.

Telath dismounted his horse and unhooked a basket from the rear of his saddle, which he walked quickly over to Quinn.

"Cullen sent this along, with his well wishes." he said handing it off to her.

"Oh! Thank you." Quinn responded.

The basket was small and woven together tight with thick strands of grassy rope. She felt giddy with it in her hands, knowing Cullen had prepared whatever the contents were for her.

Inside the basket was a thick wool blanket bunched up around two thick clay bowls with lids, separated by a half loaf of bread. On top of one of the bowls lay a bright red rose, with a small scroll curled around the stem.

Touching the lid of one of the bowls she was surprised to feel that it was warm. Steam and a mouthwatering scent rose from the contents, which smelled enticingly like Magda's stew.

She handed a bowl and a spoon to Cassandra, and then took a seat on a nearby boulder so she could set down the basket and unfurl the little strip of paper.

The note said simply,

"Fuel for your success, courtesy of Magda. Anxiously awaiting your return, C."

She put the rose to her nose and smiled openly, not caring who was observing her. And then she tucked it into her coat pocket and joined Cassandra in enjoying the rich, savory meal. Though no longer hot after traveling for three hours on a galloping horse, it still had enough lingering warmth to revitalize her cold limbs and drained energy stores.

The rest of the day passed with no sign of the bandits, and she eventually came to the realization that the gusty mountain winds must have completely covered any tracks that would have been left. As she heard the approaching rattle of the wagons, she let go of any hope that she might be returning to Skyhold that evening, and resigned herself to the probability of a four day trip. Maybe more. She fingered the silky rose petals that were secreted away in the pocket of her coat and wondered if Cullen was thinking about her with the same frequency as she was him.

Despite camping in every corner of Thedas for the past two years, Quinn found that the ground below her the first night was unbearably hard and cold, and that she seemed to have completely lost her taste for tent living. She wished she could leave the soldiers to escort the caravans by themselves, but didn't want to disappoint Cassandra.

The next morning she galloped dutifully alongside the caravans, squinting against the bright sunlight that reflected off the white mountain tops. The day was long, and now they were too far from Skyhold for Cullen to send along any such thing as a warm bowl of stew. She and Cassandra had packed only dry, cold provisions and though she had her longbow, the only game she spotted on a regular basis was the ram. She felt that it would a waste of the animal's life to strike it down just for a single meal's worth of steaks. They certainly didn't have room or materials to transport a supply of meat. So their meals were quiet and did nothing to warm them.

As the hours crawled by, with only the sounds of creaky wagon wheels as her companion, Quinn grew increasingly bored and introspective. All of the wagon's passengers were still securely sealed inside, protecting themselves from the icy mountain winds. Cassandra was far ahead of her and on the opposite side of the road and the soldiers were spread out too far for conversation. There was no one to talk to to help pass the time, now that any chance of remaining undetected was long gone. The day was completely empty and torturously long.

She knew that even if the bandits were still in the area, they would not be bothering to make an appearance now, especially once they caught a glimpse of the soldiers. So she let her mind wander, replaying those three tumultuous days over and over. She brought the rose out and held it up to her nose again and again. And she digged deep down in her memory for any details she might have been storing about the events at Denerim and Kirkwall.

Finally the sun set, and Cassandra and Quinn set up their second night's camp.

"We are only two hours from the mountain pass. I believe we should hold our position here through the day tomorrow, until the final carts come through. I hope they all make it before the end of the day, or that might add another night to our stay out here" Cassandra observed.

That was the last thing that Quinn wanted to hear, but she had already been considering the possibility herself.

"Hey do you see that, over there?" Quinn asked as a tiny flicker of light caught the corner of her eye. It was on the slope of a mountain that rose high above them, right at the base of what looked in the dim light to be an outcropping of rocks.

Cassandra ceased her attempts to start their own fire, and turned to her. "We don't know who that could be. Surely some bandits would not be dumb enough to light a fire that is visible from the road."

"Unless it's a trap." Said Quinn.

"That is a possibility," answered Cassandra.

"When the sunlight is gone I will go take a look." decided Quinn.

At full dark, she set out climbing through clumps of trees to the flickering fire, making sure she stayed completely silent and hidden. When she was halfway there, she saw two figures moving around the fire and something about their loose and easy demeanor put her at ease. Bandits camping so close would have been on alert for approaching soldiers, and these two clearly were not. At one point the silhouettes came together in an embrace, and stayed together long enough that it was clear that they were lovers.

She stayed in stealth mode until she was close enough to hear them speak. She crouched down into a shadow, and stayed completely silent, waiting for them to reveal something in conversation. But they were busy eating and not saying much. They sat right up against each other as they huddled close to the fire, and ate in a comfortable silence. The man paused in eating to smooth a strand of hair away from the woman's face.

They were young, maybe mid-twenties, their cheeks and nose pink with cold. They were dressed in thick leathers, and the woman also had a grey wool blanket draped around her shoulders.

All suspicion cast aside, Quinn stepped out of the shadow.

"Hello", she said simply.

At the sound of her voice the man stood and stepped in front of his lady, but she leaned and peered out at Quinn from behind his legs.

"I mean you no harm" Quinn said and walked slowly toward them, revealing herself in their fire's light.

"Maker's breath… you? Nah. It can't be." Said the man. It was a response Quinn had gotten several times before. Their camp was small, consisting of only a small tent, a couple bags and their fire. She saw no sign of the presence of horses anywhere. She wondered what it was that would cause them to traverse these mountains on foot.

"My name is Quinn. We are protecting a caravan travelling through these mountains and I saw your camp."

"It is you! The Inquisitor!" said the man, stepping aside to allow the lady to face her "This is Kella, and I am Bronn."

"Pleased to meet you." said Quinn, "I must say, this seems a strange place for a honeymoon."

The two looked at each other nervously.

"Uh, yeah, we uh…" Bronn began,

"We are traveling to see family on the other side of the Frostbacks," offered Kella.

"On foot?" asked Quinn.

They looked at each other again.

"You can tell me the truth. I am not here in any official capacity, and all I want is to get home, not complicate my trip further." She said sighing and sitting down by their fire.

"We have been out of work for a while, and didn't have the money for a horse or other transport." Said Bronn.

"Oh, well are you well provisioned?"

"Yes, we have what we need," said Kella. She was pretty, with long blonde hair and a small, upturned nose.

"Okay. Well you know Skyhold is only a few days journey to the east. If you happen to pass by, please feel free to come to the gates. Restock your provisions, have a hot meal, take a rest. It's a bit warmer inside the walls than it is out here among the ice." Quinn said.

"Oh, well, thank you." Said Bronn, surprised. The two visibly relaxed.

"Before I go, could you tell me if you have seen anyone else out here? Our caravans were apparently accosted by some bandits on their way in a few days ago. We've been searching for any sign of them, but their trails in the snow seem to have been wiped away by the wind." Said Quinn.

"Um, no. We haven't seen anyone else. But there are bandits you say?" asked Bronn, an expression of concern spreading across his face.

"Yes. They didn't hurt anyone, but did rob them. What about old campsites? Any signs of other people?"

They both shook their heads.

"Okay. Well, please be careful out here. Myself and some others will be on the roads close by throughout the day tomorrow, making sure no one comes after the caravans again. In case you need any assistance," Quinn said.

"Thank you Inquisitor." Kella said. "Might I ask you a question? Who is left at Skyhold? Since the breach has been closed for a while now, do you still have all the armies?"

"There is still a battalion of soldiers, yes. Not as many as when we were at war. Many of them chose to return to their families afterwards of course."

Kella nodded, "What about the mages you recruited?"

"A few have remained." Quinn replied. "Might I ask why you're inquiring?"

"Um, no reason. Just curious."

"Okay." Quinn knew there was more to it than that, but didn't feel the need to press them. She paused, giving them another moment to reconsider their answer. "Well then, good evening."

"Good evening Inquisitor."

Quinn walked back to Cassandra wondering what it was they were running from. But she had a feeling she would see them again soon, either before she and Cassandra started back to Skyhold, or at Skyhold itself in the coming days. These mountains were too harsh and stretched on for too long for anyone to willingly pass up the possibility of a warm bed and a hot meal.

As she and Cassandra feared, it took an extra day for the last caravan to finally make its way past them and to the mountain passes, just before sunset. The day was long and cold, and Quinn had struggled to stay awake as the rattling and bumping of the carts lulled her into a borderline stupor.

With still no sign of bandits anywhere, the soldiers and Cassandra turned back toward their home in the sky, stopping to camp for a night at the edge of a small frozen pool. Quinn had begun to feel like she would never be warm again, but she knew that waited for her at the end of the road would warm her in every possible way.

The more time she spent away from Cullen, the more nervous she got when she imagined her return. She couldn't wait to see him, to kiss his heavenly lips again, to feel his strong arms wrap themselves securely around her. And she thought of other things… the press of his body against hers, the almost unbearable yearning that was sparked in her at his touch.

But she wondered if his ardor might have cooled. Five days apart could have changed his mindset a little, got him back into the routine of duty, work, and out of the almost dreamlike escape of the Skyhold wedding. She felt her nerves firing up as they set out on their last day of travel, knowing that that night she would be going to bed under a familiar roof, and hopefully doing so freshly kissed.

The day seemed to have more hours in it than any of the previous four. The sun was in her eyes for most of it, and since she had to squint against its painful glare anyways, she just let them close and become a screen for so many of the same pictures and scenes she had already almost exhausted with constant replaying.

When they finally approached the ghostly bridge of Skyhold, she felt as though she had just completed a journey across all of Thedas. Her bones and muscles ached, her hands and feet were numb and the five nights of poor sleep threatened to end her travels at the door. Part of her wanted to throw herself down in the courtyard grass as soon as it was under her feet.

But she didn't. Instead she walked her horse calmly to the stables and left her in the good hands of Dennet. And then immediately began the climb up to Cullen's office, feeling a small burst of energy help her up the numerous steps.

She gave a small knock to the door, and then tried the latch. It clicked open, and she took a tentative step into the dim room.

"Cullen?" she asked. It was unusual for him to leave the office door open if he was not in.

Papers and a quill and ink were sitting on his desk as though they had just been left, along with a still burning lantern, so she knew he must be close.

"Hello?" she called, heart pounding as she walked the length of the room. She was both disappointed and a little relieved that he was not there. She felt like she was caked in grime from five days on the road. Still riding the little burst of energy, she decided to run to her room and clean up a bit before she saw him. The sun had been down for hours, so most of Skyhold's residents were already in bed and the fortress was almost completely silent during the sprint across the yard, and the walk through the Great Hall to her quarters.

Anxiously, she bathed herself and cleaned her teeth, popping a mint leaf into her mouth to freshen her breath. Then put on a pair of fresh clothes and shoes, and made her way back to Cullen's office.

The room was even dimmer when she reentered, indicating that the lantern was preparing to burn out.

"Hello?" she called again, a little louder this time. She thought she heard movement in the room, so she walked over to the lantern to pick it up.

But a dark mass on the floor caught her eye, which she came to realize was a human figure crumpled up behind the massive wooden desk.

"Cullen!" she called. She rushed around the desk to him, her heart suddenly up in her throat making her voice come out a croak.

This must be it, she thought, the withdrawal headaches that Cassandra was telling her about.

She knelt down to him, trying to get a handle on what he was doing down there.

He seemed to have collapsed, but remained partly upright, facing the wall. His eyes were squeezed shut as his forehead rested against the cold stone.

She touched his cheek with the back of her hand.

"Cullen" she said again as a surge of anguish rose in her at the sight of his obvious pain.

He only groaned in response, and his head lolled back and forth. She had to get him out of there, she thought. She had to help.

"Okay, let's get you up." Said Quinn, as she pulled his arm out and placed it around her neck. He didn't resist, but his limbs were completely stiff and difficult to position. She needed to find a place for him to lay down, a bed. His own room required the ascending of a ladder, which was out of the question. And her quarters were all the way across the length of Skyhold.

But their fortress had just been home to over a hundred visitors, and she knew many of the serviceable rooms had been set up with beds for some of their more demanding guests.

She lowered him down in his chair as well as she could manage, and looked him over. His hand went up to his eyes as soon as he was seated, fingers squeezing at his drawn eyebrows.

"I will be back" she said to him, and hurried out the door that she knew led to a nearby watchtower. She sprinted across the pathway and burst through into the watchtower. Sure enough, she could see the outline of a bed through the darkness of the room. She searched within the depths for a lantern, and found one in the corner directly across from the door. She lit it, but decided to leave it in the room so she didn't have to manage carrying it and Cullen at the same time.

Pulling the blankets down off the bed in preparation for receiving Cullen, she turned and raced out of the room again, leaving the door open behind her.

Cullen was heavy, and he barely responded to her instructions. He continued to groan, keeping his eyes squeezed tightly shut. She hoisted him up as much as she could, steadied herself, and slowly lumbered along the battlements to the room. By the time they reached it, her heart was pounding and she was sweating with the effort of carrying so much of his weight.

She helped him lay down on the bed and then stood there looking at him and catching her breath again, blood rushing in her ears. She hated seeing him look so pale and gaunt.

Not knowing what else to do, she began undoing the buckles of his boots. Luckily he wasn't in full armor, or she would have had to remove that as well. Once she finally hoisted the boot of his foot she stood there, with his bony ankle in her hand. Just above it was a shapely, solid calf. A warrior's leg. But his flesh was worryingly hot to her touch. He groaned again, and brought an arm up over his eyes, which shook her out of her reverie. She rushed to remove the other boot, and also pulled the belt out of his pants, but was too concerned for his state to be tempted to do anything else.

Putting her hand to her forehead, she confirmed that he was indeed burning up.

She rushed around the room, searching frantically for a cloth that she could dampen to try to cool him down.

A cask of water remained in the corner of room, and upon checking it she saw that was still a quarter full.

Quinn returned to his side, pulling up a small stool to sit upon with her bowl of water and cloth. She mopped at his temple with the cooled rag, and unfolded it to let lay it across his forehead. And gazed down at the face of her lover. She stomach was tied up in knots, and her mind was drawn back to all the tragic and brutal memories contained inside his beautiful head.

Seeing an opportunity to study him without recourse, she let her eyes draw over him, tracing the lines of his features. His chest rose and fell in a steady rhythm, and she saw dark blonde hairs curling under the collar of his shirt.

She gently nuzzled her nose into the crook of his neck, and smelled his sharp and pleasantly musky scent. She couldn't wait to rest in that nook, to put her lips and nose against that fragrant skin.

After countless minutes of rewetting the cloth, and setting it on various parts of his face, her body had calmed down completely and she started to feel the immense weight of her own eyelids.

She looked down into Cullen's face and stroked his now damp skin. His eyebrows were no longer knitted together in a grimace of pain and the groaning had ceased. He seemed to be sleeping.

She leaned in and kissed his lips gently, feeling no stirring from him at all. It was not the kiss she had been imagining during the trip, but at least she was now by his side.

As the minutes continued to pass, she felt her own weariness emerge more and more, and finally realized she would soon collapse herself if she didn't lie down.

So she pulled her own shoes off and splashed some water over her face. And then crawled into the bed beside Cullen, settling herself inside the covers. She slipped her hand into one of his, and within moments was deep into a fitful sleep.


	5. Chapter 5

Quinn awoke to the sun streaming through the window behind the bed, and the first thing she noticed was that she was sleeping on a soft surface, and that she wasn't bitterly cold.

The second thing she noticed, was the vague sensation that she was not alone in the bed.

Her eyes flicked open, aware of the warm, heavy weight of a body behind her, and as her mind emerged from the fog of sleep she realized that she was on her stomach, peering at one of Skyhold's stone walls.

Slowly the events of the previous night came flooding back.

Feeling instantly awake, she turned over and looked to the side of the bed where Cullen was.

He laying on his side with his head on his arm, looking at her quietly.

"Good morning," he said to her, his face slowly spreading into his half smile.

"Cullen." she said, feeling very relieved to see him looking so perfectly normal.

She relaxed back into her pillow. And then reached a hand out for his face, caressing his cheek with the back of her hand again, just as she had the previous night when she she had gotten no response whatsoever.

"Last night you were… in quite a scary state, Cullen." she said. "It is from the lyrium? Or lack of, I guess?" she asked.

His expression softened and he nodded.

"I had no idea it got that bad."

"It's happened a few times recently, on days that I really push myself." he said.

Still feeling tired, Quinn positioned herself so that her face was level with his.

"The last two nights I have waited up. Hoping you'd return. The last few days were pretty tense. Lisette found me and was a bit of a nuisance, causing a scene and embarrassing me while I was trying to assist guests with their departure. And there were some other problems, stupid things. I was stressed. Tired."

"Oh Cullen." Quinn said, though she felt fury rising. Lisette should be glad she was gone.

"I take it your trip was unsuccessful?" he asked.

"Yes, it was five of the longest, coldest days of my life" she said. "Remind me never to become a mountaineer." she sighed and nestled down into the warmth of the bed. "But I got your rose. Thank you." she said smiling. She paused.

"Cullen, last night…" she began, but not really sure how to finish it. "Could you hear me talking to you? Did you know what was happening?"

He furrowed his brows while he thought about it. "I did know something that was happening, but, when the headache is that bad, it's like… it's like my brain is frozen. All my senses are overpowered by this searing pain. I can't quite process anything and when I can it is very slowly. It's difficult to describe." he said.

Realizing they were together in the same bed, under the same covers, she scooted closer to him, and felt everything get much warmer.

"It was frightening. I hope I helped you. I didn't know what to do," she reached a hand out for him under the blankets. She found his chest, and he reached out to her in return, clasping her hands and welcoming her into his arms.

"It's over now. Everything is okay." he said, and she felt herself moving in closer and closer, until he was holding her tight in his arms. "You are home." he said, his voice sounding sleepy.

She melted down into his embrace and let her eyes close. She gave a contented sigh, happy to be warm and in his arms again.

 

========

 

Quinn woke again slowly, feeling the sluggish movement of limbs entangling themselves into one another. She was sure a few of those limbs must belong to her, but telling which those were was a more difficult matter. As soon as she sensed the warm, woodsy scented body beside her, parts of her had begun to wake on their own. Her hands and legs were exploring him almost without her brain's involvement at all, and he too was moving parts around and over her.

When awareness of the situation did finally kick in, she noticed that the shafts of light at the window were streaming from a completely different angle. They must have slept for a time, and now they had gone beyond mere embracing, and were writhing together. She was particularly awake in the region between her legs, which was pulsating and buzzing with a very pleasant and unignorable arousal.

Carefully, she turned herself around in the bed so that she was facing Cullen. His eyelids were still heavy with sleep, but he was gazing dreamily at her from beneath them, and reached a hand up to smooth her hair out of her face.

Together they moved in for a kiss, their lips and tongues meeting slowly and deliberately. She searched in his mouth, feeling his teeth and the warm softness of his lips. She pulled him to her, raking her fingers across his back and up toward his neck.

Wanting to get closer to his irresistible scent, her fingers found the buttons at the top of his shirt, and began to clumsily undo them. When they were mostly undone, she ran her hands over the soft fuzzy curves of his chest, and down the firm but flat stomach to the place where the hair thickened a little just above the waist of his pants.

He exhaled heavily out his nose, his mouth still on hers, and with one hand he reached behind his head and pulled the half unbuttoned shirt right off. They had to break the kiss to pull it all the way off, but she found his mouth waiting as eagerly as hers was to pick right back up.

With his arms and chest now bare, and the entwining of their limbs causing a delicious trill to sound through her body, she felt herself slipping away into complete physical abandon. His neck and chest were fragrant with his delicious scent, and the bare skin against her was enticingly warm and smooth.

Suddenly she felt constrained by her own clothes, feeling that they were barriers to being as close to him as she needed to be, She needed to get them off of her. She knew what this was moving towards, and she had no desire now to stop it.

She recalled the decision not to give into him, and to her own desire, the night before she left on the trip, and she also recalled the regret that caused on those cold nights alone where her body against his was the only thing she could think about. And then there was Cullen's frightening state last night. Lyrium withdrawal had killed people, that was well known. No one had any idea what continuing to abstain would really do, whether Cullen could endure the consequences forever. But the thought of death, or even just madness, and Cullen in the same sentence changed everything. It made her time with him feel so limited. Besides they had waited quite some time already, for whatever benefit that awarded them. They had known each other for over a year.

And then there was the agonizing fact of his pain. Death or no death, he was suffering, albeit in spurts and waves. But imagining what he could have been going through made her want to give him so much pleasure that it would balance out all the hours that he spent crumpled into a ball, waiting for the headaches to pass.

So now she felt no hesitation. She felt only the urgency, the need for him.

Her fingers found the buttons to her own tunic, and she made quick work of of slipping off her own shirt. His hands found her instantly, running up her sides and then almost tentatively around her breast. He cupped her round flesh with his palm, sliding his thumb tenderly over her nipple, causing goosebumps to pop up all over her arms. He almost groaned as he gave her a little restrained squeeze.

She was pulling down on him, feeling more and more of his weight settle upon her, feeling desperate to get as much of herself in contact with him as possible. She relaxed her thighs and opened up, finding the root of her torso coming right up to the firm stirring between his legs. She wrapped a leg around him and pulled at him with it, biting at his shoulder gently as they writhed. And when she felt the hard piece of him finally push fully up against her, an intense bolt of pleasure shot itself through her gut, traveling up her spine and to the base of her skull, causing her to cry out into his kiss.

She immediately went for the buttons of his pants, and he went for hers, while they continued to move together in a slow, sensual rhythm. Soon they were both kicking their pants down their legs and into the foot of the bed.

She guided him back down to her, and the impressive length of him found its spot between her legs right away. He filled her up with a slow motion and she cried out again as it he against the walls inside her, sending resounding waves of need rippling outward.

His mouth was open on her neck, trying to devour her skin as he moved into and out of her. She became all hands, roaming around his body, finding every muscle under his skin and climbing up the vertebrae of his back. She felt so immersed in an uncontrollable sea of sweet sensations that she wanted to cry.

The waves of pleasure got higher and higher until she felt it was about to crest, and she noticed him clutching more tightly, tensing his body above her, practically slamming into her with the entirety of weight.

They went over the edge together, gasping and seething; each trying to absorb the other's body into their own however possible. He shook and tensed with his release, and the sounds of him crying out pushed her immediately into a second orgasm, which suspended itself and her into dreamlike state where she was pushed completely out of her mind and into the air above them. She heard heavy, labored breathing and realized it was her own. Cullen had not stopped even though she felt him grow softer, clearly trying to aid her to completion. And then her body was flooded with cascading waves of bliss, pushing her and pulling her, spreading over her from her fingertips to her scalp, to her toes. Her spirit and body tumbled back to earth, back into the bed.

They didn't move for several minutes as they tried to catch their breath, hearts pounding side by side.

She brought her arms up above his shoulders and held him around his neck, the fingers of one hand sliding through his hair. She kissed at the stubbly flesh below his jaw and reveled in the delectable skin that her face fell against.

They lay there in recovery for a while, and then Cullen slid off her and was back on his side, but still right up against her.

Quinn turned with him, keeping her legs wrapped around him as much as she could, keeping together belly to belly.

She opened her eyes to see him smiling down at her, his blonde hair tousled and sticking out adorably at all angles. The sharp, symmetrical lines of his face looked as relaxed and blissful as she had ever seen. When her cheeks began to ache a little bit, she realized that she was smiling too.

A part of her still felt disconnected, still buzzing from the ecstatic heights she had just scaled. It had all happened so quickly, the culmination of a week's worth of wanting.

His face came into hers and she kissed his lips again. They seemed to just get better the longer she kissed them, she thought. They were red and looked plump from use, and had a delicious and irresistible curl to them. Somehow the scar that cut down into it made them seem even more perfect, because they were so uniquely his. As amazing as what they had just done was, the magic contained in his lips was in a category of its own.

Feeling completely parched, and still a little out of it, Quinn got up out of bed and walked naked to the desk, grabbed the empty mug that sat empty on the surface and dipped it into the cask of water. She drank deeply, feeling a thirst unlike any she had felt before. She filled it a second time and drank ravenously, feeling rivulets of water begin to run down her chin and over her breasts.

She finished and felt satiated, and then walked a full mug of water to Cullen.

He broke his almost predatory stare at her body to empty the mug in several gulps. She walked it back over, refilled and it came back to hand it to him a second time. When he was done, he practically slammed it down on the table beside the bed, and then grabbed her by the waist, tossing her on the bed and climbing over her in a swift move that was completed in the blink of an eye.

"You." he said in what sounded almost like a growl, which relit the fire in her that only just barely died. "I must have you again." he said and she felt that he was hard again. He inserted a knee between her legs and smoothly slid one of her thighs open wide at the same time that he brought himself down onto her. The smooth motion was executed so well and she gasped at the intense pleasure that shot through her. 

"You're pretty good at this." she said. Apparently all his stammering and bashfulness completely disappeared once he knew exactly what he wanted. His eyes looked darker than ever, despite the fire that was burning behind them.

He drove down into her again, burying himself to the hilt and holding it there, grinding it up into her. And again their mouths were on each other. She couldn't seem to taste enough of him no matter how much she tried to devour him. She mouthed at neck, his collarbones, his earlobes, and then back up to claim his lips in another deep kiss.

All the while he was sliding in and out of her, working up a momentum that was taking her to yet another peak. She wanted him deeper, and deeper.

Taking control, she rolled him off of her and sat up, trying to keep her lips on his. He obeyed the prodding of her hands and fell onto his back. She swung a leg over him, and positioned herself on top. His hands found her breasts and squeezed them while rolling the tip of her nipple between his fingers.

Quinn moved back, letting him back into position within her and began to slide herself along the length of him, following the urging of that pleasure center deep within.

His head rolled back and forth as he cried out with her motions, and soon she found herself crying out too. It only took moments before she was quaking with another orgasm, her body completely wracked with wave after wave of intense and unstoppable ecstasy.

Then he had sat upright, arms encircling her once again, his heaving chest against her and his mouth at her mouth again. His arms wrapped around her and she repositioned herself, letting him find a more agreeable spot for his legs. She crushed him against her, pulling him in with the all the strength she could muster.

They now had full access to each other from the waist up, and they let their arms pull and explore every inch of the other. Cullen ran a heavy hand up the center of her back until it was threaded through her hair and cupping the back of her skull. He gripped her lightly by the roots and held her face steady before him, looking deep into her eyes as they both continued to thrust and to move together.

She watched his face as he got closer and closer to his orgasm, as his eyes got glassy and hooded, looking darker and darker.

Pulling her head back, he kissed her open mouthed all over and down her neck, hands pawing at her back, finding their way back to her breasts, and then her face as his mouth found her mouth again. She was clinging to him with all four limbs, holding herself securely to him and using her flesh as her eyes. She felt the sinewy strength of his muscles that rose and fell in all the right places. She felt the undulating hills of his back and strong shoulders, the way everything tensed up and hardened when he pulled at her. It wasn't long before his movements began to work on her yet again and she was riding another wave up, over their heads, catapulting her into the heavens. She heard herself and him on the bed below, making sounds of anguish, but knowing it was anything but.

They were both seized by an almost simultaneous release, their bodies clamped together one final time, each of them exhausting their last reserves of energy as they pressed themselves desperately together.

He fell back on the bed almost immediately after, and his arms remaining around her like a vise brought her down along with him.

She adjusted her hips and settled into the soft nest of hair on his chest. Breathing it in and closing her eyes, she tried to take in every possible sensation, and letting the afterglow of her orgasms push out all tension and worry from her mind.

She listened to the sound of his lungs filling with air and exhaling, and she felt herself beaming with the feeling that these were the most precious and important lungs she had ever heard. It was a strange thought, but her mind was wide open now, letting any thought roll in and out on its own volition. She thought about how she was already beginning to feel that she loved him. She had begun to feel so deeply connected to him at the ceremony, as they spoke to each other with only their eyes. And then she had to leave, and that distance only cemented in her conviction that Cullen was not just the man for her then, but the only man for her, ever. If he would have her, then she didn't want them ever to be apart again.

Those words were almost on the tip of her tongue, but she managed to rein it in. Instead of speaking, she began covering the beautiful flesh below her with kisses. She kissed all over the rising curves of his muscles and shoulders, then found her way across his collarbones, to the hollow at the base of his throat. She kissed up his neck, feeling him swallow as she ascended up to his chin. And then to his lips again. Her own lips felt slightly swollen and bruised from overuse. She left one last lingering kiss and then pulled back so she could look into his eyes.

"Is anyone expecting you today?" she asked him.

"No." he said in almost a whisper. "And even if they were, I don't care."

She rolled off him and fell onto her back at his side. He turned to face her and propped his head up with his arm. With his other hand, he began tracing light lines all over her shoulders, neck and breasts.

She looked up into his face, still partly in disbelief that everything was real.

"You are so beautiful, it almost hurts to look at you." she said to him, as her eyes tried to make sense of the astoundingly gorgeous face before her. She especially loved the new flush of pink in his cheeks, a remnant of their exertion. And she loved the long wispy eyelashes that lined his honeyed eyes.

He let out a little laugh, revealing perfectly straight and even teeth.

"I believe that is what I should be saying to you." he said, "because it is true."

His fingers continued to explore, their touch so light that the tickle caused her nipples to harden. He noticed and trailed his finger along her breast and then circled the firm tips. She exhaled.

Without warning, her stomach let loose a long growl, causing them both to laugh.

"I'm sorry. I'm a little hungry." she said.

"I'll bet you are, did you eat anything after you came in last night?" he asked.

"No, food was the least of my concern last night." She shook her head, once again recalling the vision of his face wincing with pain. His eyes softened and he caressed her hair, wordlessly comforting her.

"Well, then we should probably get you some food." he said softly.

They dressed shyly in front of each other, as though they hadn't just spent the morning intimately exploring each other's bodies.

After he finished buttoning up his tunic, he came to stand in front of her, his little half-smile on his face. He leaned down and placed a quick, light kiss on the tip of her nose.

She smiled back at him.

"So, breakfast… or lunch, or whatever. And then perhaps a bath?" he suggested.

"That sounds lovely." she responded.

They walked hand in hand to his office, where he put away the papers left out on his desk, and then leaned down to scribble a little note.

He locked the office doors, and on the way out, tacked a little note to the outside of his main door that read:

"The Commander is taking a day off. Try again tomorrow. - CSR"


	6. Chapter 6

Cullen pulled her along until they reached the hidden chamber on the lowest floor of Skyhold. She rarely ventured to Skyhold's lowest level, which held a small library where their mages had conducted experiments and research while the Inquisition was at war, as well as several store rooms including their wine cellar.

"It is here," he said while he held the ancient looking wooden door open for her. She stepped into the stone room, which was lit by several small windows that were encrusted over with clear, colorful gems. In the middle of the room was a square pit that sank down into the floor. The pit had steps leading down into it and a ledge running around the perimeter that was situated about halfway down. Sticking up from the floor on the furthest side of the pit were two wheels. The room itself was quite small, and the only other items in there was a long narrow table situated along a wall, with a lantern sitting upon one end.

"What is this?" she asked, not sure what all she was looking at.

"This is a dwarven bathing room." said Cullen. "Gatsi explained it to me. Apparently there is a series of pipes and plumbing built in that will carry warmed water directly to this pool. You can fill it and drain it at will." he said, and walked over to one of the wheels to demonstrate.

He cranked one of the wheels around a few times, and sure enough clear water began pouring out of a hole in the side of the pit.

She walked over to where the water spilled out and put her hand under. It was cool and smelled clean, and the longer her hand remained, the warmer the water became. Until quickly it was too hot.

"Oh!" she exclaimed in surprise and pulled her hand out. "Wow." Cullen spun the second wheel and the water flow increased as cold water was added, lowering the temperature.

"But what heats the water?" she asked, incredulous.

"No one knows." he said. "Whatever it is it seems to be within or under the foundation of Skyhold. At any rate, no one knew what this room was until I asked Gatsi, since it was clear these wheels here are Dwarven."

The pit filled with warm, clear water, and Cullen ran out to the wine cellar to pick a bottle of wine.

When he returned, Quinn was just standing there, not quite sure what to do with herself.

He noticed her reservations and she decided she might as well tell him. "Is it strange that I am feeling a bit shy?" she asked. "It's only been a few hours since we've seen each other completely unclothed and yet here I am feeling nervous all over again."

He strode up so that he was standing mere inches from her, and he leaned over and kissed her gently on the tip of her nose.

"No my darling. Why don't I get in first," he said, "and you can open the wine?"

She realized that she was staring at his cupid's bow lips, and went in for a deep kiss. He slipped a hand around the small of her waist and she melted into his broad chest for a moment.

Quinn listened to the sounds of clothing shuffling about while she opened the bottle of wine. Realizing there were no glasses in which to pour it, she took a deep drink directly from the bottle.

She turned to look at him, just in time to see his muscular body dipping a toe into the water.

His back rippled with definition, and his buttocks and thighs swelled with a powerful grace.

He lowered himself into the water until it was halfway up his back, and then turned to sit up against the opposite side of the bath, looking up at her. He leaned his head back and let out a long exhale that turned into a groan.

"Would you like me to turn my back?" he asked, and she thought for a moment, and then nodded bashfully. She took another long drink of wine, and then offered him the bottle.

She removed all of her clothing and then looked down at herself. Her body was slender and strong, but not overly muscled. Her breasts were a proportionate size for the rest of her body, and she had her fair share of battle scars, but overall things were precisely where they should be.

She recalled the look that blazed through Cullen's eyes after she had stood before him drinking water that morning, and realized she was being very silly.

She entered the water to Cullen's right, and he didn't look over at her until she was fully submerged. Any remaining tension from the last five day's journey evaporated as she melted down into the pool of warm water beside him.

He handed her the wine again, and with another deep drink she began to feel the giddy lightness of the wine spreading from her stomach up to her head. She went completely under the water and stayed there for a moment, letting the water penetrate her hair. She realized the ledge was a seat, and she rested herself upon the smooth stones. It was at the perfect height so that just her neck and face were above water, and she rested her head against the side of the pool as Cullen was doing.

"It occurs to me that we didn't bring a change of clothes, or towels," he said, amused.

After a moment Quinn replied, "I… just… can't seem to care about any of that right now."

Cullen laughed.

"Maker's breath. This is exactly what I needed after that trip." she said, "I don't remember ever being so cold. I thought I'd never be warm again."

She let her head roll to the side so she was looking at Cullen.

"All I could do was think about getting back to you." she said.

"Tell me about it. I might as well have gone with you for as useless as I was here." he said.

She reached over and ran her hand along the back of his neck, feeling the warm strength under his smooth skin.

Through the water, one of his hands found its way to her knee, and he rested it there, massaging at her flesh just above, but not venturing any further.

"We might get some guests here at Skyhold in the next few days." said Quinn,

"More guests?" Cullen asked,

"Well, only two. There was a young couple camping in the snow just by the mountain pass. They were unarmed and minding their own business, but it was clear that they were running from something."

"And you believe they're coming here?"

"Well I invited them. They had questions about what kind of armies and mages are still here. It got me very curious. I hope they show up."

"Going to ferret out all their secrets are you?"

"Well, not exactly. I don't know. Like I said, I'm just curious." she said.

"There are already quite a few unfamiliar faces hanging around Skyhold since the wedding. I bet all of them have secrets too."

"We all do, don't we?" she responded.

"Yes. I suppose that's true. Will you tell me yours?" he asked, sliding a little closer to her.

"For you, I am an open book." she said and leaned in to kiss his irresistible lips once more. His hand left her knee, and found her waist, running gently up and down her back, making her remember that they were both completely nude.

He turned toward her, exploring her mouth with his own, claiming her lips in a kiss that was growing slowly in intensity. She let her hands wander, running over the firm muscles of his chest and arms. She let one hand trail down his abdominals, gripping his sides, and then finding its way back up to his face. She felt the stubble on his cheeks, and the sharp lines and smooth planes of his handsome facial features. His skin was cool against the warmth of the water, and Quinn began to feel herself growing almost unbearably hot, from a combination of the warm water as well as the fire that had been ignited in her body.

"I am suddenly feeling a little overheated." she gasped.

"Oh, I'm sorry, is the water too warm?" he asked.

"Well, that is part of it." she said, giving him a knowing smirk, which he returned.

Needing to cool down, and feeling all her bashfulness dissipating, she stood up, her breasts bristling once exposed to the cool air of the stone room. She hitched herself up so that she was sitting on the ledge of the tub, and began to fan herself off.

As soon as Cullen saw her pull out of the water he turned his back to her again.

She must be really confusing him, she thought. Going from bold nakedness to being bashful and back again. She was confusing herself. She should just get over it already, she told herself.

She picked up the bottle of wine and gulped. Cullen's arm reached back for the bottle, awaiting his turn. When he finished, it was empty.

"Cullen…" she began, "you can look. You've already seen me after all. There is no reason for me to be so silly. It's just a body after all."

He turned slowly to face her and she practically felt his eyes with her skin, as they ran over her, taking her in, turning dark and fiery.

"You are much, much more than just a body my darling." he said.

He did not linger however below her neck, and soon his eyes landed upon hers and stayed there. His lip curled into that half smile again, and she observed again with absolute certainty that she had never before seen a more beautiful creature than him in all her years. His face was just the perfect composition of sharp and soft, with his high cheek bones and defined brow, that sensual mouth… and the soul she saw behind his eyes, full of light and intelligence, but also a little damaged and haunted. Well, maybe more than a little. All held up by the lean, strong body of a man who had obviously spent most of his years working very hard. She felt such tenderness looking down at him, seeing him completely in a way she had never done before. She also felt such a hunger for him she didn't know if it would ever be satisfied.

Returning his smile, Quinn pulled him to her, spreading her legs to let him come in as close as possible. His mouth found her breast and his lips and tongue danced upon her flesh, sending chills up her bare skin. His hands slid around her waist and clutched at the small of her back, his fingers exploring the small notches of her spine.

After some time of kissing him from the depths of her soul, and feeling herself almost worked into a frenzy from his caresses, she gently turned him around and pushed him back down onto the ledge of the pool. He obeyed her touch without resistance, and she stepped around and lowered herself onto him, so that they quietly came face to face, chest to chest, almost the same as they had for the last session in the bed.

They were both more than ready, but once joined they slowed their pace, looking unflinchingly into each other's eyes and letting their bodies take their time.

When they both were descending from the heights of their release, he buried his face in her neck and she held him. She let her face rest in his hair and inhaled, drinking in his subtle musky scent. Her fingers combed softly through his hair and he sighed contentedly. She hadn't felt such peace in much longer than she could remember. But through the hypnotic reverie of their lovemaking came the quiet, ecstatic realization that the man in her arms was real, and something momentous had begun between them that was likely change the course of the rest of their lives.

Lifting his head and looking into her eyes he said, "My darling. As much as I hate to leave you, when we are done here I need to slip away for a few hours to attend to a few things."

"Of course Cullen." she answered, fingering through his damp hair.

"Meet me in our spot on the battlements thought at sundown? Please?" he asked.

"I would love to, of course." she said as she stroked his hair, "I am beginning to feel a little waterlogged actually."

After dressing their damp bodies in the previous night's clothes, they parted with a kiss and promise to see each other soon. Quinn felt a pang of both regret and excitement as she watched him walk the length of the hall to Solas' old room, which had a door leading to Cullen's office and quarters. He turned to give her one last look and a smile before disappearing through the door, and Quinn quickly became aware of the others in the grand room with her. A number of them had been watching her with a knowing smirk. She was sure the gossip had been running wild since the wedding, but she didn't care. Cullen and her were together now, for real. Everyone might as well get used to that fact.

She felt a rush of purpose as she quickly made her way to her room and dressed in fresh clothing and brushed her teeth. As much as she already missed him, she was glad for the opportunity to freshen up and knew exactly what she intended to do with the free two hours that stretched before her.

She made her way back down to the lower floor of Skyhold and entered the compact library that was lined from floor to ceiling with books, every surface stacked high with volumes of dusty tomes.

She read through the titles trying to figure out if there was an organization, and ended up grabbing a few that might have the information she was seeking.

She opened the book titled, Mining the Singing Stones, and quickly found a section containing detailed information about lyrium. She read through, looking for any section that might discuss lyrium addiction, but found nothing. She closed that book and picked up another on Templars, and found only a small section about the powers that lyrium gave to Templars. The book was clearly biased however, and she threw it down in disgust at how it promoted lyrium administration for the purpose of creating the most useful soldier.

Book after book seemed to offer mostly the same information, and none of it was new.

She already knew that lyrium was considered a living force, and that in its raw form it was harmful for all but the dwarves to physically handle, but even they could see ill effects if they handled it with damaged flesh such as a cut on their hands. She knew that even in its processed form it could be risky, causing side effects and addiction with prolonged use, even if that use didn't include consumption. She knew that the common belief was that for most Templars, they had only about a week after their last draught of lyrium before the withdrawal symptoms kicked in. And she knew that those usually included mostly psychological effects, such as disorientation, inability to distinguish dreams and reality, and paranoia. Some said those in withdrawal lost memories completely. Some said that it locked them into reliving the very worst memories.

After working her way slowly through two stacks of thick books and finding little more than what she already knew, she closed the last tome feeling strangely optimistic, despite all the dire warnings and graphic descriptions of side effects.

Cullen had clearly made significant progress, beyond what should have been possible according to all the lore. It had been months, possibly a year since his last draught of lyrium and as far as anyone knew he had remained mentally sharp and mostly unaffected.

He certainly didn't seem to be on the brink of madness or death. And if he were destined to reach that brink, it should have come long ago.

If crippling headaches were all that remained of his lyrium addiction, that was still better than the alternative wasn't it? Maybe Cassandra was correct, in that the effects had been overstated in order to discourage Templars from attempting to quit the potion that was supposed to keep them so tightly under control. That seemed far too simple and unlikely an explanation, however.

She wasn't fully satisfied, intending to seek out more information somehow, but it seemed that some time had passed, and she didn't want to leave Cullen waiting for her long on the battlements.

She sprinted up the stairs to the Great Hall and could tell immediately that the sun had begun its descent from the sky.

Entering their little hidden square on the battlements, she was surprised to see Cullen standing next to a small table and two chairs. The sky had just begun to glow with shades of orange and purple and as she approached the table she saw that he had it set up with two plates, a covered pot and a bowl containing what looked to be berries, as well as a flickering candle.

"May I have the pleasure of your company for dinner my dear?" he asked her. He was dressed in a dark grey buttoned up jacket and held a red rose.

Quinn was stunned, both at how stately he looked, the lines of the jacket enhancing the sharpness of his shoulders, and in the effort that had clearly been expended setting up this romantic scene.

"The pleasure is mine, Cullen." she responded, wishing she were dressed in something other than her typical plainclothes.

He held the rose out to her, and she took it, inhaling its sweet scent.

"Berries!?" she exclaimed, eyeing the bowl of plump purple and red.

"Left over from the wedding." he said.

"Cullen, this is amazing." she smiled up at him, and felt his arms encircle her in a tender embrace. They kissed, and then Cullen pulled her chair out for her beckoning her to sit.

She obeyed, and couldn't help but pop a plump berry in her mouth, which burst with juicy sweetness. He had already poured them two glasses of wine, and the covered pot in the center of the table emitted a scent that was making her mouth water.

He seated himself across from her and she found that she couldn't seem to stop smiling.

"Since Skyhold does not contain a restaurant, or any place to have a proper date, I had to improvise." he said.

"I wish I had known I was going on a date, I would have made myself a little more.. presentable."

"You look as lovely as I have ever seen you." Cullen said, making her blush. He popped a berry into his own mouth and emitted a small groan.

The pot contained a large filet of fish glazed with lemon butter, sitting atop a bed of herbed rice and took bites of the feast between telling stories about their childhood and families, and Quinn soon realized that the fish had gone cold for all their talking. He told charming tales of roughhousing and exploring the country-side with his siblings, and getting into all sorts of humorous predicaments together, until he was brought into the Templar order at the age of 13. She was careful not to ask any questions that might lead to some of his more unpleasant memories of his time in the Templars. And in return she told him all about the Lavellan clan, and of her years before acquiring the anchor and joining the Inquisition. As hungry as she was, she was so entranced by stories of his seemingly idyllic childhood, and of the endearing little crack that entered his voice occasionally, that she found herself sitting with same bite still on her fork for much longer than she intended. But even cold the fish was still delicious, and once it was finished they polished off the remaining berries.

The sun disappeared, leaving the flickering candle as the only illumination between them. Above the small table they held hands, and below their legs rested against each other.

"Would you like to visit the tavern before we retire for the night?", he asked, then added jokingly, "For old time's sake?"

"Sure!" she said, already beginning to feel oddly nostalgic for their first few nights together, even though those days were less than a week in the past. They had been filled with such nerve-wracking temptation. Temptation which had bore her sweeter and more satisfying fruit than she could have ever imagined.

"Would you mind going ahead and getting us a table while I clean up a little here?" he asked, pouring the last of the wine into her glass.

"Oh, let me help!" she said standing up and grabbing her plate. He took her hands in his and said, "No, no, that is not necessary. I am not doing much, as Rory will be coming up to take most of it away. Really, I'll only be a moment." he said, raising her hand to his lips. He handed her her glass of wine, and walked her through the tower doors to the top if the stairs leading to the courtyard.

"I'll be right down." he said.

The tavern was considerably less busy now that most of the wedding guests were gone, and there were several empty tables available on the main floor. Cabot nodded at her, and she noticed the unfamiliar girl from lunch sitting at the bar, seemingly flirting with Garret, the stablehand. Quinn picked a table halfway back, where the light was dim and she could hear the words being sung by the bard. She sat facing the door and sipped on her glass while she turned her body to a better position to look around. The unfamiliar girl cast her eyes in Quinn's direction a few times and her curiosity grew. Why was the girl looking at her the way that she was? Quinn had to remind herself that many people still seemed to be fascinated by the famed Inquisitor, even though she didn't really feel like she had done much of note since the defeat of Corypheus. If anything it was the advisors who had stepped up and shouldered most of the real post-war duties. But there was something in the girl's eyes that seemed to be more than just that simple fascination.

She didn't have much time to continue to ponder the situation as Cullen entered the bar, carrying his glass of wine. She waved him over and he grabbed the chair stationed across from her and swung it so that they were sitting side by side.

He slid his arm around her waist as soon as they were seated. Their backs were now to the bar, and the strange girl, and she found that she and Cullen were both grinning.

"Deja vu." she said.

"Except this time I can do this…" he said as he leaned in for a kiss.

"Thank the Maker for that." she said.

"Ahh… A week ago I never would have guessed this is how we would end up." he said, sipping on his wine.

"Only in my dreams at any rate. I have this to thank." he said gesturing down at his wine. "And those frighteningly forward women. Thank the Maker that they were here, and also that they're gone." And at that they clinked glasses.

"In your dreams, you say?"

"Well, yes. Especially seeing you in that red dress. Maker's breath." he said.

"What do you think would have happened if those women weren't here?" she asked.

"Well my crush on you would have been catapulted into… an all-consuming infatuation at the very least, the moment I saw you at the ceremony."

Quinn felt her cheeks grow hot.

"I would have asked you to dance, for sure. And then… I don't know. I am not very good at this stuff. I am sure you've noticed." he said. She smiled as she recalled all his throat clearing and occasional stammering.

"But I guess when you know what you really want, you do what you need to do to make things happen, right?" he continued, his hand pulling on her.

She looked up into this warm brown eyes and sighed happily.

She wondered what she herself would have done when she saw him looking so sharp and sexy in his black suit. She wondered if that would have been the night that she had noticed him again on her own. If those women hadn't been there. If she hadn't already spent two nights in excruciating proximity to him.

She wrapped her arms around him and nuzzled into his neck, breathing in his sharp scent. The memory of how she held herself back made her new ability to embrace him openly, completely, seem like such a blessed luxury.

"I hope you'll be coming to bed with me." Quinn said, "though I'll warn you, I am ready for a good night's sleep."

He laughed, "An army of demons couldn't stop me from coming to bed with you tonight. Even to sleep. I don't think I'll be capable of much else myself."

Two figures passed them on their way toward the door, and Quinn barely registered them. But after she pulled herself from Cullen's neck she saw that it was the strange girl, and Garret. Though she and the stablehand were arm in arm, the girl had her eyes cast over her shoulder, looking not at Quinn, but at Cullen. Once again something in the look unnerved her a little.

Her eyes met the girl's for the briefest of moments before they were out the door. But her suspicions were now raised, to the extent that Quinn told herself that at the next opportunity, she would introduce herself to the girl. There's no use wondering about her when it was just as easy to go say hello and ask her about it.

Quinn waited at the base of the stairs while Cullen ran to his quarters to fetch a change of clothes and few personal effects, and then they made their way through the Great Hall to Quinn's quarters, falling into bed with an exhaustion that quickly overtook them both.


End file.
